I’ll be completely honest with you, I sat down with my best girlfriend last week and we got a little buzzed on a weekday. You need to do that; life is short. Anyway, I loudly pronounced after three glasses of German wine that tasted like apple juice, “I haven’t come up with my Twenty-Something Rules yet!!!” whilst throwing my hands in the air. So these rules this week are coming to you fondly from two girls after a few glasses of wine, a long day at work, and in the small, messy kitchen of my apartment.
From one twenty-something to another, have a glass with this one.
Rule #148: Be the person who asks.
A good friend of mine has been going through some things lately and she’s mentioned that no one has asked her how she’s been doing at work in fear she needs more time to sort through the thoughts in her own mind. From this, she’s learned to be the person to ask how others are feeling through tough times, even if you think being “respectful” would be to keep quiet. Be the person who brings it up when no one expects you to. If you know someone is going through something, it’s worth the risk.
Rule #149: Try new things with your significant other.
I swear this is one of the biggest keys of keeping a relationship alive and intriguing (aside from, let’s be honest, the dirty deed). Mom, I mean cleaning up after your man! …Anyways, you can never have a “first date” again in any relationship, and first dates are exciting. Trying new things can make you feel the same little tugs of newness you felt on your first date together. Traveling, working out together for the first time, going to a new concert, trying oysters or going to have beers in a different neighborhood. You will learn more about each other without having to ask questions. Every time I’ve tried something new with my dude, we feel fresh and new (don’t ask him, he’ll scoff and make a fart noise at me). But it’s true.
Rule #150: Ask yourself, “why the hell not?” and go from there.
Unless this question relates to drugs, jumping off buildings, lighting things on fire, murder and gallantly consuming an entire bottle of vodka.
Rule #151: Love the shit out of everything.
Because there is nothing wrong with passion overindulgence. NEVER apologize for your enthusiasm. In fact, don’t really apologize too much unless you actually hurt someone’s feelings. Go on with life in all your animated glory and forget about the negative people. They will walk their own walk.
Rule #152: Not your poop, not your responsibility to flush.
Sorry if that’s gross, but I reworked the quote: “Not your circus, not your monkeys” with a classic disgusting poop joke because I am a 17-year-old boy. Either way – not your shit to deal with? Don’t worry about taming it, getting rid of it or smelling it. Not your problem, peoples! Move on.
Rule #153: Be a birthday fairy.
By this I mean make people feel extra special on their birthday. It’s the most admirable gesture I’ve found in certain people and it’s definitely noticeable in a friend. Buy the card, bring a person their favorite treat, throw an elaborate surprise party even if they “hate attention.” People deserve to feel eternally special on their day, and everyone likes a little spotlight – even if they claim it’s stupid and they aren’t “attention whores.” Leave it alone, humble brags. You love it. I’LL admit it, I feel like a boss when people pay attention to me on my birthday and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Rule #154: Whenever you see a picture on Instagram you’re jealous about, remember that that person has had explosive diarrhea and their life isn’t any better or worse than yours.
I call it Instagram envy – the moment you’re scrolling through Instagram and you feel like your life will never be as cool as the girl who travels to Italy and takes pictures of her f*cking macaroons on a cobblestone street with the best #vsco filter there is. There will always be one, stop letting overly edited photos of cultural omelets ruin your life. Yours is just as swell.
**Writer’s end note: Sorry about the abundance of poop jokes in this post.
Let Loose But Keep Your Legs Closed [Twenty-Something Rules]
