I thought that at the end of this season we would be left with one more example of the Bachelor/ette choosing brawn over brain. That was until I read Nick’s letter (he is not so brainy, you guys), and until he revealed himself to be quite the stalker.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
We really jumped right in to this episode with the men meeting Andi’s family.
Normcore was nervous as fuq. Andi’s family is tough, we learned this last season. And to that point, they don’t seem to be very fazed by Nick’s monologues and sweet, sweet serenades. I appreciated this. It’s always nice to show a family that reveals a level of skepticism that any normal person would have. Also Hy is amaze.
I don’t know if it is Andi’s dad or if it’s this season or if it’s the fact that I’m older and wiser now and I can understand the implications of someone asking a father to propose to their daughter—but something about both of the interactions with her father felt incredibly forced. Nobody was looking at each other, from our perspective each of these conversations took place after about 10 minutes of interaction. Weird edits all around.
I have to reiterate, these people never ask ANY questions. If I brought home a man, and then said, I shall marry him even though none of you know him, I would assume my family would ask certain questions like… What is your religion? What are your politics? What do you DO on a daily basis? Do you have a job? Do you like music?
But oh well I guess because the family seemed to receive them both pretty well.
Next, we get the final dates between Andi and each dude.
Something about Josh walking out in that HORRIBLE frat tank for this literally had me lolling. I could not tell you why, but I felt this was important commentary to share with the world. Josh should never wear this tank again. Never, ever. Or wear it always. Conflicted.
Also, and I hate to say it, but the baseball card gift was super adorable. It was clever as hell and I have to assume that Elan (sup Elan!) was behind this. But if not—well played Joshua. Well played. She loves him so much… So much. If you didn’t know this by this point, you are a dummy. She calls him babe, they constantly touch, she’s always giggling and smiling. There is no competition here.
Her final date with Nick felt a little awkward, a little forced, and a lot less touchy than usual. In fact, at one point she literally pushed him away. Body language is everything, and this date was a dead give away. She was sitting away from him, they were talking far too much, and they hardly looked at each other. This just did not feel like the date of two people who are about to get married.
Side note—were we cool with them just swimming in that swamp water? Reals?
Anyways. Their date in his room wasn’t any better. Though I have to say, I get it. Imagine being Nick, and knowing there is a 50% chance (well he’s Normcore so more like 95% chance) you are never going to see this person again—you would have these feelings. But he expresses them incessantly! And he seems incapable of relaxing. And he’s kind of a baby. And I was so over it at this point.
Surprisingly, instead of dumping him, which I assumed she would do once he saw her look incredibly bored and over all of it, she reassured him. Over and over again. She told him not to worry, and she told him that he should be confident. This surprised me, but really, I don’t know what else she could have done.
If Chris Harrison for real thought we didn’t know Normcore Nick was going to get dumped so hard, he’s insane. Especially after CH laid that spoiler alert on us in the beginning that the dude who lost followed her to Mexico and other venues to express his love. Like… Only Normcore would do that. I can easily imagine a restraining order or some kind of life threatening skin wearing situation in their future.
I know that Andi was doing the right thing by leaving him early and not making him wait. This is the respectable thing to do. However. For her to enter that room and say “Hiya how’s it going” and “I just wanted to chat,” was incredibly off putting to me. I also really don’t appreciate everything that she said to him the night before this—she completely reassured him the entire time.
We all know that a lot of this show, you have to suspend yourself from reality, and you have to form these bonds with several people—but we all saw how she felt about Josh. She knew she was going to pick Josh, period. If not several weeks ago, then at least by the overnights. And even if she wasn’t able to make that decision then, she didn’t have to hint to Normcore that she wanted to say she loved him, she didn’t have to reassure him as much as she did in the hotel room, she didn’t have to do these things. Did she?
Andi didn’t even seem that sad about her goodbye with Nick. I don’t know you guys, this felt kind of rude. Like she’s the cool girl and Normcore is the IT nerd she just rudely dumped him and ran off to get engaged to her jock boyfriend. Such is life.
How much did I die at this proposal. I knew he was going to say something about baseball in it, but I had no idea it would be the first words out of his mouth. If a man ever proposes to me by starting off with: “when I decided to give up my first love, baseball…” NO JOSH NO. We all know you played baseball / that you are a professional former baseball player. Seriously. What does he do?
This proposal sucked. Too much baseball, too much script, too much Gaston. Sorry, Josh. Too much. Also, this may have been the worst fitting suit I have ever seen on this show. He looked like his legs were far too itty bitty for his body and like this jacket was just going to pop right off.
I feel I’m too cynical. This was a nice ending. She definitely loved Josh since the beginning for real for real. I am glad for them! I know I have said it a lot, but she truly knew that she wanted to end up with Josh. It must have been a pain in the ass to have to continue to date a bunch of other dudes she just wasn’t that in to.
After the Final Rose generally disappoints. This season, because Normcore is such a weak, weak man, we got to watch Nick wallowing around his home town with his mother. Does he have valid opinions? Sure. It sucks to get dumped and have questions. Does that entitle you to stalk people and be a super creep for months? No. This is not okay. I hope that since the filming of this Normcore has found some therapy and found someone to talk to and work through his issues with. Seriously. There is nothing unique about Nick’s pain.
So the first 30 minutes of this brutal hour were spent listening to Nick cry about all the things he wanted to say to Andi, and when he finally gets his chance, all he can say is “I mean I don’t know. Did you read the letter?” Are you kidding me? Nothing to say? I feel like through the sheer power of empathy I would have more questions for Andi than Normcore does.
But great, when he does get his voice, he calls her a slut. Are we to assume that this entire time, Nick’s whole struggle, is that the two of them had sex (I’m sorry, made love), and then didn’t get married? Because once he dropped the “Why did you make love to me” bomb on national TV, that’s the only explanation I could find. This was… Really, really uncool of Normcore to put her on blast like that. What a psycho.
Is there any better combination that you look for in a husband than crying and slut shaming? And lest we forget writing (I hesitate to call this writing because it is horribly written) bizarre, stalky love notes.
Here is the link to the letter he wrote (I hesitate to call this writing because it is horrible). Not to be confused with a Dashboard Confessional song.
Andi and Josh seem genuinely happy, and after seeing everything that transpired with Normcore, I know she made the right choice. Also it’s super adorable that they have been sneaking over to each other’s houses with wigs and glasses on. Obsessed.
[Lead image via]
A Tale of Love and Stalking: Recapping "The Bachelorette" Finale
