Every once in a while, I have totally contained and manageable panic attacks about money and getting older. That’s normal, right? When I was 18, I had totally different expectations for myself at 27. Then again, I drank cheap vodka and didn’t wear sunscreen at 18, so I was a dumb idiot. Nonetheless, my expectations for 27 weren’t to be living alone in an apartment, unmarried, struggling to pay the bills and eating week-old hotdish from my parents’ house for dinner.
I have to learn how to let that go. Beating myself up about student loans, not getting paid nearly enough for how much I work, living on stale cereal and leftovers for a week before getting paid and being a generic 20-something mess isn’t going to get me anywhere.
From one twenty-something to another, living like a homeless person is the new black…sometimes.
Rule #225: Learn how to poop in public.
Long ago are the days when you would rush home from high school and poo in the privacy of your own home bathroom. Strong are the days of manning up and pooping in the work public bathrooms, next to a stranger in the next stall, blissfully ignorant of social norms and foghorn toilet farts. Ok, you don’t have to be obnoxious when you poop, just understand you are human. No one wants to feel constipated.
Rule #226: Take the lunch break.
I’ve met too many people in my work life that eat lunch at their desk, without looking away from their computer, spilling lettuce all over their keyboard and not breathing for a whole entire hour. Everyone deserves a break from the stress. When I can walk away from the keyboard and roam around the mall or grab a bite to eat in peace, that’s a beautiful thing.
Rule #227: Spend some time alone and get comfortable with it.
The most confident and happiest people I’ve ever met LOVE being alone sometimes. My mother would give anything to sit in the house all day with no company but her own and she’s one of the happiest ladies I know. Stop thinking you always have to be at happy hour or with your significant other. When you are comfortable with the company of yourself and yourself only, others will learn to love that about you.
Rule #228: You’re not fat.
Had to lie down on your bed to pry those starchy jeans on? Did you drink two heavy beers and eat a cheeseburger and then go right to bed? Meh, get over it. I know I spend way too much time thinking/talking/critiquing my weight. It’s this simple: eat when you’re hungry, take a walk every once in a while and worry about something else. Lately, I’ve been channeling my “Blah, I feel chub” energy towards creating new Pinterest boards, finding new TV shows on Netflix, editing my fantasy football team, and living a carefree life.
Rule #229: No one has it completely figured out, just like you!
Let me tell you a secret: we are all morons. We’ve all cried in public because we were too drunk. We’ve done embarrassing things; smoked too many swisher sweets, felt overly passionate and guilty for it, had off-days, panicked about nothing, felt a little chicken-shit. It really does make me feel better that I know I’m not alone in all that.
Rule #230: Understand what’s going on in the world.
Do life a favor and read Business Week once and a while. Here, I’ll help get you started. If you can talk about two of the ten things going on in the world right now, you’ll be fine.
Rule #231: You’re still going to get zits at 27.
Getting older also means you’re going to have bittersweet moments of high school slipping into your life. Like, really – I’m anticipating crow’s feet in a few years and I STILL have acne? Eff you, crazy world.
We’re All Poor And Stressed, And It’s OK! [Twenty-Something Rules]
