Sometimes, you’re the person stepping on that satisfying, crunchy fall leaf. Sometimes, you’re the crunchy leaf. That’s life, I’ve decided this week; and at current, I’m the crunchy leaf. Absolutely nothing has gone my way. I found out my cat, Cookie, has heart disease. I picked fights with loved ones for no reason. I was fined $50 for turning my rent in two days late. Fifty dollars, you guys! That’s a nice pair of DSW shoes!
Regardless, I learned something. I’m going to step on the crunchy leaf again soon. And life will be satisfying and all-loving and blissful again.
From one twenty-something to another, let’s enjoy the week.
Rule #239: Lose the period underwear.
- It’s not sexy.
- There is no way, when you wear it, you feel like a powerhouse.
Throw it away. Get your girl thang in some lacy undies. Life is too short for that faded, ripped cotton shit.
Rule #240: Respect isn’t something you command through intimidation and intellectual bullying. It’s something you build by treating people how you want to be treated.
I actually got this quote from the lovely and unapologetic, Lena Dunham. Her new book is awesome by the way, I highly recommend it. Anyway, this rule may be the most important one in my entire list. You absolutely cannot gain respect by putting fear into people, it’s not fair. Some persons are meak and kind, lovers not fighters. It is unfair to put them in a corner. Treat them as you want to be treated. That’s a fair fight. Respect deserves that.
Rule #241: You aren’t in traffic. You are the traffic. Stop driving like a psycho in it.
Calm the f*&k down and take a deep breath. You’re just going to pop another grey hair that you’ll be deeply confused about later.
Rule #242: Be selfish in your career.
Things may be awkward, taking the plunge into something that’s going to better your career could be hard. I know I’m a pussy to confrontation. I would almost rather eat moldy bread than go up to someone and tell them where my passions are taking me. I’m also laughing inside because that sentence sounds absolutely horrible. That being said; puff your chest out and do things in your career that are going to push you forward, not give you the stomach flu.
Rule #243: When proving your point, be simple. Two sentences should suffice.
My mother once told me this. In an argument, two sentences to prove your opinion will do. Two simple, well-versed sentences.
Example: I do not deserve to be treated this way anymore. Please do not talk to me like that again, thank you.
And that’s it. Stop talking. Leave the room. Don’t drag it on and on; you’ll just end up looking stupid and running in circles full of verbs and tears and a few dramatic adjectives.
Rule #244: EAT BREAKFAST.
This one is in capital letters because it’s CRUCIAL. Stop starving yourself, girl. You need energy to fierce walk your ass everywhere you go.
Rule #245: Other’s “love gestures” are different than yours.
My boyfriend’s way of showing me he loves me is by going to the apple orchard with me. Flowers? Nah. And that’s OK. Take others’ love gestures for what they are and don’t complain. You’ll get in an unreasonable fight that will end in tears, chocolate and a night alone. Continue to show each other you appreciate one another in the ways you know how. That’s enough.
