The Christmas season has begun, admittedly pretty early, and it has some people annoyed. They’re worried they might overload on Christmas glee. Be blinded by the light of 1,000 twinkle lights and have their brains turned to mush from over exposure to those 24 hours Christmas Carol radio stations. And they’re right. But the sooner you embrace the unavoidable holy jolly two plus months, the easier they’ll be. Here are a few things to look forward to.
It is said that if you hear “Dominic the Donkey” over thirty times in as many days, you transcend to a new plane of consciousness.
If you’re on your third Elf viewing of the day and have drunk at least four glasses of egg nog, it actually looks like Tyrion participated in the battle with the Mountain and won.
When Black Friday and White Christmas finally overlap, everything will be grey, which can actually be a really flattering color on some people. Maybe you.
By staring at your neighborhood twinkle lights for two months reality will begin to blur at the edges. Is that house really there? Is that seven-foot blow up Santa really there?
With the scent of pine completely overpowering anything else, the suburbs will smell like a forest. The forest smell with attract the bears. The bears will eat the decorative reindeer your neighbor put out in September. You will stand on the front law holding a boom box playing “The Circle of Life.”
When you share your tenth “Favorite Childhood Christmas Movies” post on Facebook, your childhood self will bring you a candy cane. It’s like that movie The Kid. But with candy canes.
After enough candy your lips will be stained a permanent rosy red, your breath will become pleasing pepperminty, and your arms will lack the strength to remove the Santa hat that just materialized on your head last week.
There is at least a 1.5% chance your Black Friday related scar will be shaped like a candy cane. This can act as a festive ice breaker at your office Christmas party where you cry because that part of Love Actually where Alan Rickman dances with his secretary instead of his wife was on at 2 AM, then start laughing uncontrollably because that part in Bridget Jones when Colin Firth wore the ugly sweater was on at 4 AM.
