While the sun gives us light and warmth and makes the plants grow, it can also be public enemy number one for my fellow pale peeps out there. My Dutch and Irish heritage does not agree with my love for the beach whatsoever. I spend every winter trying to find a concealer that more closely resembles white than beige and start every summer with a burn that would make lobsters laugh. While everyone else is rejoicing that summer is here, talking about beach trips and pool days, you’re stocking up on aloe vera. You’re not alone. While fair skin is beyond beautiful – just ask Reese Witherspoon, Emma Stone, Lauren Graham, and other celebs who skip the tanning beds – it comes with some inevitable struggles.
1. People judging you because you’re sunburned and asking if you’ve put sunscreen on. (DUH)
2. And that sunburn doesn’t turn into tan. Just back to white.
3. Peeling.
4. People have seriously shielded their eyes while looking at you before.
5. Outdoor activities make you slightly nervous.
6. You’re subconsciously always on the lookout for shade.
7. Wearing black mades you look like Wednesday Addams.
8. Or a vampire. Bring on the Twilight jokes.
9. But wear white and you could pass for a ghost.
10. People always ask if you’re feeling okay.
11. Every slightly weird mole sends you to WebMD searching for signs of skin cancer.
12. Finding makeup in the right shade is mission: impossible.
13. But one time on your trip to Sweden you found an amazing shade called “Off-White Ivory.”
14. The edges of all your summer tops are stained with sunscreen.
15. Your teeth will never appear pearly white due to lack of contrast.
16. Visible blue veins.
17. It is impossible to hide that you’re blushing.
18. It’s a struggle to find “flesh-colored” stockings that don’t make you look like you’ve dipped your legs – and only your legs – into a bucket of fake tan.
19. Spray tans? Forget it.
20. People automatically assume that you love the cold.
21. Flash photography is a problem, in general.
22. All lipsticks are bold lipsticks.
23. You spend approximately millions of dollars on sunscreen and aloe.
24. Those dark circles under your eyes are never going to disappear no matter how much sleep you get.
25. Having to ask friends to apply sunscreen to your back or suffer the consequences.
26. Having to explain that yes, pale people can have brown eyes or dark hair.
27. Bruising when something rubs against you with too much pressure.
28. Embracing sweaty hat hair because the burnt scalp/peeling face alternative isn’t worth it.
29. Friends arguing over who gets to stand next to you for pictures, because you make them look more tanned.
30. Nobody believes you when you say you just got back from vacation. “Jamaica, really? Did it rain a lot?”
31. Vigorous exercise isn’t happening around friends/significant others because it’s our skin’s favorite excuse for turning bright red for hours. H o u r s.
32. SPF 50 is as low as it gets.
33. You find yourself wishing you were born back when pale and kinda chubby was considered desirable.
34. Being called “Snow White” or “Casper” like it’s cute.
35. People ask if they can touch your sunburn and draw that smiley face thing like it’s hilarious.
