Barre is one of the best workouts out there, especially if you’re interested in toning up without bulking up. But it is hard. For anyone who has been considering a barre class but isn’t quite sure what to expect, I’ll tell you right now: hell. But one you’ll end up being happy to go back to time and time again because of how quickly you will see results.
Note: barre classes, contrary to popular belief, are not a type of bartending course, nor are they only for ballet dancers. You will hold onto a bar most of the time throughout class, usually against wall-length mirrors—but you do not need to be a dancer, or even that coordinated, to take a class.
However, one of the similarities these classes do have with ballet is that they focus on little movements to give you lean muscles—and an overall slim and toned physique. It’s one of the best workouts for your abs, butt, legs, arms—okay, for pretty much everything.
But, as I have made clear, it can be hell while you are in the throes of a class—especially your first few times. Below are some thoughts everyone has during at least their first barre class:
1. Do I really need these socks? Are you sure everyone wears them? I haven’t worn socks with grips at the bottom since I was like six…
2. Wow, so many pieces of equipment I’m going to need. Do I grab the 2, 3 or 5 pound weights? Eh, I’ll go the 3. I’m pretty strong.
3. Well, this instructor is the size of my pinky. How tough can this class really be?
4. Oh, shit. She just put a headset microphone o n. This is about to get real.
5. Nice, this is a class that plays music. Okay, okay, I got this.
6. Am I the only one not sporting name brand gear right now?
7. Okay, wow, this instructor is really peppy.
8. Warm up time. This is kind of like aerobics.
9. Oh, now the arms already? Okay.
10. Grab the weights, no biggie.
11. Am I the only one breaking a sweat already?
12. This music is super cool. Mental note: Ask her where she gets her playlists.
13. I can feel the burn in my arms. Oh, look! There’s my reflection in the mirror.
14. Wow, shit.. this actually really does burn.
15. I should have grabbed the 2 pound ones.
16. Triceps?
17. Holy shit I didn’t even know I had muscles back there. It really, really burns.
18. Phew, okay weights are over. Put them down.
19. Oh my god. I can’t sit like this anymore.
20. I think my limbs have caught on fire. Is anyone else on fire?
21. Can the girl next to me see me shaking?
22. Don’t fucking touch me instructor. Don’t FUCKING touch me.
23. Oh my god. I am just going to break. I am going to take a break.
24. Maybe I should explain to her that I am recovering from an injury. I’m not, but maybe that will make her stop touching me.
25. It’s okay to ease up right? I don’t need to do the full count. It’s already burning, that means I should stop right?
26. Don’t need to be like JACKED. Just a… little… toning…
27. I am paying money to do this?
28. Like real money?
29. I am a sadist. I am a sadist. I am a sadist.
30. Oh seat work, yaaass. Burn. Oh god I can actually feel my butt getting bigger.
31. Kim Kardashian, I’m coming for you.
32. My ex is going to be super upset.
33. This isn’t so bad.
34. I’m in my groove. Yes, burn baby burn.
35. Okay my knees are breaking.
36. I think the muscles in my butt have exploded.
37. This is good. I am doing enough.
38. I’m not a slacker, I’m totally proud of myself.
39. How much longer is this class going to last?? I thought it was only 55 minutes? Why does this feel like it’s been two hours??
40. If she’s keeping us longer than two hours that’s really rude. She has NO idea what I have to do after this.
41. I’m not going to walk tomorrow. Or next week. I’m never leaving my bed.
42. What is this tuck she keeps asking me to do?!!? I don’t think the human body is supposed to bend like this.
43. Oh, now you want me to tuck, but what you’re really asking me to do is thrust my pelvis towards the girl on the other side of the room in jutting motion? Cool.
44. She just complimented my posture. DID EVERYONE HEAR THAT?! She was talking to me!!!!
45. Damn. Ab work. Whatever. At least I can lay down on my back for this.
46. This feels really sexual.
47. Did she turn off the lights so we don’t have to look each other in the eye while thrusting? Or even I the mirror to see ourselves thrusting? That was kind.
48. Cool down. Thank god.
49. Oh my God. This feels amazing. My body feels amazing.
50. I need to come back tomorrow.
