When my little sister (yes, you read that right) asked me to be her maid of honor last year I was excited. And although the wedding was amazing and everything went smoothly, there were a handful of lessons I learned from the experiences– the most important being that it was nothing like I thought it would be.
Being in a bridal party is about so much more than the bragging rights and looking pretty.
It’s a humbling and flattering honor, yes, but as Uncle Ben once pointed out in Spiderman, “With great power comes great responsibility.” It’s best to get as realistic about what it will actually be like as early as possible. Don’t think of being in a bridal party as a cute, lovely, tea-party-like experience. You are going to war. There will be blood, sweat and tears. Get ready.
The biggest expenses are the ones you never see coming.
It’s easy to forget that you and the bridesmaids will likely be the ones hosting the bridal shower and/or bachelorette party—and that means paying for a lot of the decorations, booking venues, etc. When it comes to being a maid of honor, you are in no way only paying for yourself. You are paying for the guests too, to make sure they have a good time, and that the events properly represent the bride. Condense and reuse as much as possible. To save money, and a lot of time, use center pieces as party favors for the guests. Use the same chalkboards to display pictures, etc.
When it comes to dealing with the bridesmaids, communication is key.
You are not going to get along with everyone one of them, but one of your primary responsibilities is making sure everything goes as smoothly as possible—starting with making sure everyone is on the same page. Think of how unorganized, chaotic and stressful planning a girls night out with your best friends in a group chat can be. Now imagine that x145. Even if there is one overbearing bridesmaid you keep butting heads with, it is your duty to keep the peace as much as possible.
The tiniest details matter.
Whether it is the bridal shower, bachelorette party or actual wedding, you are going to have a big hand in making sure each and every detail is in place. If you’re in your early twenties, this may be the first time you have a “Why hasn’t anyone taken care of this yet? Oh, right, because they’re expecting me to…” Welcome to adulthood, and welcome to being a maid of honor. Consider as many details as possible—from customizing wine labels and ordering table linens, to renting a photobooth and having a guestbook for people to sign—don’t assume there is any task that has already been taken care of. Better safe than sorry.
You’re not going to get credit for everything you do, and that’s okay.
There’s a lot of tedious, sometimes laborious and dirty work involved. It isn’t just about the big, elaborate events like the dress you wear, walking down the aisle, and making a speech. Often times the way you can help the bride the most is by doing things like making sure the venues are booked, checking to make sure the reception room is set up, running out to the store to get last minute things. She may not know you are doing all of this, but honestly, she doesn’t have to. It isn’t about impressing her. This is not about you.
If you aren’t stressed, you probably aren’t doing enough.
Assisting in the planning of someone else’s wedding is the quickest way to make you re-consider whether or not it is something you’ll ever actually want to do for yourself. You are going to be stressed, but that’s a good thing, because it means you care. Just make sure you are channeling the stress in a productive manner.
It’s nearly impossible to not get emotional.
You can swear up and down that you are not a crier, that you have seen the bride in her dress so many times you doubt you’ll be teary-eyed at the alter, so on and so forth. Forget it. No matter how many dress fittings, rehearsals and stressful situations you have endured leading up to the event, or people sitting in the audience that you don’t know very well, when she comes walking down the aisle, or when they are exchanging their vows, it is going to take every ounce of energy and resistance you have to not, at the very least, get choked up.
Your duties are not over once the ceremony is.
From taking countless photos with countless combinations of people during cocktail hour, to participating in the introduction of the bridal party, to making the speech, catching the bouquet, and getting people dancing—you don’t just get to celebrate right after. Yes, it gets significantly easier as the night progresses. But remember that your role remains until the end of the reception, not just the ceremony.
Your speech is 80% about confidence.
I’m a writer, so although I knew writing the speech wouldn’t be difficult, I quickly learned delivering it was a whole different story. Although other speeches I have heard weren’t nearly as sentimental or entertaining, they got a better reaction for the sole fact that the person knew how to deliver it with confidence. Don’t let your shaking hands or mumbling into the microphone distract the guests from what you’re actually saying.
It will be worth it.
After months and months of agonizing, stressing and planning, it will be amazing to see all your hard work pay off and, more importantly, the bride and groom enjoying their day. The second it’s over, you’ll have withdrawals—and wish you could do the whole thing all over again. You might even find yourself missing that one particular bridesmaid you always seemed to be bumping heads with…
[Lead image via Shuttershock]
