A new year means a new slew of headlines and breaking news stories. Last year brought us “fleek” (sadly), unqualified presidential candidates (cough, Donald Trump), and hoverboards. But what about this year? We’ve got a clean slate to work with, and considering all the depressing things happening around the world lately, here are a few I definitely wouldn’t mind hearing about:
1. It’s Official: News Outlets Ban Kardashian/Jenner Content Forever
2. Graduating College Seniors Are Guaranteed Employment With New Bill
3. Finally, Chipotle Stops Making People Sick
4. Liam Hemsworth Breaks Up With Miley Cyrus Again, Remembers She’s Gross
5. N*SYNC Announces Reunion And New Tour Dates, 90’s Kids Rejoice
6. Victoria’s Secret Offers 90% Discount With Student ID
7. Donald Trump Drops Out Of Presidential Race, Apologizes For Being An Asshole
8. BREAKING: ISIS Stops Senselessly Killing People
9. Crocs Stores To Close For Good
10. New Statistics Show Zero Mass Shootings In 2016
11. Hoverboards Outlawed Everywhere in US, People Deemed Too Stupid To Operate Them Properly
12. Uber Bans Surcharges On Holidays and Weekends
13. Amazon Prime Now FREE To All Customers
14. Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez ENGAGED! See the Adorable Pics Here
15. Sarah Jessica Parker Reveals Filming Has Begun On Sex and the City Season 7
16. New Study Shows That Millennial Men Are Ready For Commitment
17. Scientists Invent Zero Calorie Tequila
18. Leonardo DiCaprio Wins Long-Anticipated Oscar!
19. At Last, Peace Has Been Reached In the Middle East
20. Pizzerias Offer Free Pizza After 11 p.m. During Midterms and Finals
I mean – one can only hope, amirite?
