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Ryan Reynolds started making dad jokes long before he ever became a father, and now that he has two daughters, there is absolutely no turning back.
Okay, fine: his Twitter account is pretty damn funny. Still, whenever I read his tweets, I am convinced that as he typed them, he was overcome with amusement, shaking with silent laughter in acknowledgement of his own wit.
I cannot prove this scientifically. I have yet to meet Mr. Reynolds (do you enjoy my unwavering optimism?) Still, I am convinced.
He probably laughed when he typed this tweet in an airplane bathroom.
Airplane toilets are aggressive. It wasn't until I got back to my seat that I noticed my pants and testicles were missing.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) February 23, 2017
He definitely giggled aloud when he wrote this.
Went to Disneyland because my daughter's obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 30, 2017
He probably chuckled under his breath writing this.
I watched Frozen without my two year old this morning. Despair reveals itself in many forms.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) November 9, 2016
He definitely called Blake over for this one.
The mobile above my daughter's crib is just a whole bunch of NuvaRings. So she remembers how lucky she is.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) October 20, 2016
He snorted when drafting this tweet, then sent it ten minutes later.
I don't understand why Piss-Mist and Diet Dr. Syphilis didn't catch on. Of what are these supposed "soft drink" companies so afraid?
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) September 12, 2016
Blake told him it wasn’t funny, but he disagreed.
It's 2016. I'm not going to start drinking regular milk just because some asshat has a problem with public breastfeeding at the beach.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 28, 2016
He had this one saved to his drafts for several months, prepared to wow the world.
Just want to wish Billy Ray Cyrus the most special, magical birthday ever. I love you with all my heart. Also, Happy Birthday to my wife.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 25, 2016
This is a legitimately funny tweet, so I have no shade.
My daughter love the @MileyCyrus song, "We Can't Stop" because she thinks it's about cutting the brake lines on my car.
— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 17, 2016
