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Oh, God. Meeting the parents is scary. You thought we said goodye to haunted houses for the year, yet here you are with sweaty palms in an unfamiliar living room with an unseasoned turkey posing as your dinner. Your boyfriend or girlfriend’s family is chattering endlessly as they pepper you with questions and you’re overwhelmed. What happened to having a holly jolly Christmas?
This is probably the scene that played over and over in your head when your significant other asked you to meet the fam this holiday season. It was a real horror story that made IT look like an episode of Barney. It’s all just so… awkward. The hugs, the chatter, the unfamiliar traditions, the pressure. Oh, the pressure.
Whether you believe it or not, you can do this. In fact, you can knock it all the way out of the park, just as someone seems to have done with his mom’s weird attempt at cranberry sauce (everyone’s is different, ok?). Here are some of our best tips for meeting the parents and the whole extended family this holiday season.
1. Do your research.
Put on your investigative reporter hat and start asking your significant other about their fam. What do they all like to do? What are their fave memories together? What does everyone do for a living? Not only should you at least attempt to connect faces to names (thank God for Facebook and Instagram), you should also try to start connecting the dots about who each person is. This is hard for bigger families, but just at least try your best so that you can make meaningful conversation.
2. Dress to impress.
Ask your partner what the vibe is. Maybe their klan keeps it casual or perhaps they dress things up. Either way, try to dress as appropriately as possible. If your boyfriend or girlfriend describes their parents as formal and uptight, hold off on the ripped jeans and t-shirts. You can’t make another first impression and your aesthetics are an extension of yourself, hopefully impressing everyone you meet. Their parents will love seeing you fitting right in, so make sure that your outfit helps you do just that.
3. Bring something thoughtful.
As much as we’d like to pretend it’s the thought that counts and/or love don’t cost a thing, it never hurts to bring a gift. If you’re assigned a side, that’s perfect. Bring a side dish and a bottle of wine for good measure. It also always helps to give the host a little something, so keep them in mind when you’re shopping. Your significant other can help you pick the perfect present. It’ll be instantly a little endearing when you show up with some unexpected goodies. Bonus points if you bring a little gift for the kid (or kids) present.
4. Make conversation.
You’re not going to win anyone over by sitting in the corner with a sour look on your face. It doesn’t matter what mood you’re in, just try to be positive, buck up and put on a smile. If anyone asks you a question, make sure to be also asking questions of your own. They’ll love your listening skills, remain engaged in conversation and it’ll help you get to know each other. If you’ve done your research, the conversation shouldn’t be too hard. If you need a lifeline, your partner should be relatively available to come help ease the convo along.
5. Don’t pretend to be in a beauty pageant.
That all being said, it’s important for you not to sound too canned or rehearsed. These people want to get to know you because they trust and value your partner, so don’t stray too far away from your true self. You do not need to pretend you’re the princess for a day or avoid meaningful discussion at all costs, so you can always feel free to chime in as long as you’re doing so in a friendly, respectful way. Be your best version of you, but don’t try to seem perfect.
6. Don’t judge.
Their family might not be exactly like yours. Hell, they might not be at all like yours. Maybe they eat turkey with their hands or trade out the classics in favor of a vegan-friendly dinner, but it’s your duty to remain aware of the fact that these people are partially responsible for raising someone you love. They might not be exactly like you or even your partner, but they are still people and they don’t deserve anything but a fair shot at impressing you. Basically, show them the same courtesy that they’re showing you.
7. Follow up.
After it all goes according to plan and you hug and say goodbye, text them a week or two later. Thank the hosts and tell everyone it was great to meet them. Those are special, small ways of letting people know that you intend to be around them for a long time and not just the course of one simple meal.
Good luck! You won’t necessarily need it, but it never hurts.
