COLLEGECANDY Writer

John - UConn

1. I turn my pillow over to the cool side about seven hundred times each night. 2. After college, I'm going to secede from the Union and become the King of Taco Bell.
Articles Written
96
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LATEST ARTICLES WRITTEN
Apr 11, 2010

Overheard: Things We Like to Do

(Girl, bringing a drink back to a table.) Guy: Whad'ya get? Girl: It's a gimlet. Guy: Oh. We usually freeze those. Or put them in the gravy.

Mar 28, 2010

Overheard: Hand-to-Boob Combat

(Two girls, on a campus bus.) Girl 1: So did they have sex? Girl 2: No, they boarded Penetration Station but the train never left.

Mar 21, 2010

Overheard: What Am I Made Of

(Guy and girl in tour group, walking through campus.) Guy: Flying's weird. Turbulence feels like you're ... hitting a ton of small animals, or something. Girl: Ohh-kay. Don't know you well enough for that kind of humor yet.

Mar 14, 2010

Overheard: Maya on Faya

(Guy, girl, in a restaurant.) Guy: I've heard from Davis and Florida State. Girl: Wait, Florida State? Where's that?

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Mar 7, 2010

Overheard: The Rumpus Room

(Girls, talking at dinner.) Girl: Today was horrible. Girl 2: Yeah? Girl 1: I had the worst headache. It was so bad, I couldn't pee.

Overheard: Human Sized Hamster Ball

(Two girls, walking) Girl 1: OK, we take this to the grave. Girl 2: Yeah, no one can find out. Girl 1: Kinda like the time I cried in the Lizzie McGuire movie. Girl 2: Or when you peed on Stacie's boots

Feb 21, 2010

Overheard, With Feeling

(Girls, at breakfast.) Girl 1: How was the party? Girl 2: Weird. Some guy and his girlfriend trapped me in the bathroom all night.

Feb 14, 2010

Overheard: Go Watch the Super Bowl Instead

(Girls, watching television in the lounge.) Girl 1: I just like Peyton and beer. Girl 2: I'd hit Peyton. I'd hit his chin, too, if he had. one.

Feb 7, 2010

Jan 31, 2010

Overheard: Dry Heaves

(Two girls, walking.) Girl 1: So how was last night? Girl 2: It was great. Craziest sex I've ever had.... But I'm worried. I think he might like me.

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Jan 24, 2010

Overheard: I Was One of Those Ships

(Girl, on the phone.) Girl: Uh, just so you know, that pee in the bed last night was yours, not mine.... Yeah I'm sure.... No as soon as I heard that coming out I grabbed my pants and ran out.... Yeah, I'll need to come get my bra later.

Jan 17, 2010

Overheard: Slim Pickings

(Girl, complaining in the student union lounge.) Girl: I used to like Gaga, you know, back when I thought she was a hermaphrodite. Like, I'd watch her, and I'd be like "yeah, this is good, I like this," but I was always on my toes. Because you never know when something might just - pop out! It was exciting.

Jan 10, 2010

Overheard: Son of Sam Eagle

(Two guys, in the lunchroom.) Guy 1: I'll give you a hint. His name rhymes with Awesome. Guy 2: Plawsome. Guy 1: No.

Jan 3, 2010

Better of Best of Overheard, 2009

(Two girls, walking through the mud after a football game.) Girl 1: I want to make a really inappropriate joke. Girl 2: Is it a Trail of Tears joke? Girl 1: Okay, yeah.

Dec 27, 2009

Overheard: The Best of The Best Of 2009

(A bunch of people sitting around a campfire.) Girl 1: Marshmallows are kinda gross, when you think about it. Girl 2: I think it’s a good kind of gross. Like tiny, edible fat people.

Dec 20, 2009

Overheard: Finals Edition

(Two girls, studying in the library.) Girl 1: Yeah, I'll probably start sleeping here too. Under the tables or something. Girl 2: No, I said "sleeping with girls" in the library. That's different. Girl 1: Oh. Yeah, I guess it is.

Dec 13, 2009

Overheard: I Think I Look Good in Your Body

(Two guys in class, before lecture starts.) Guy 1: My girlfriend broke up with me, and sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend in bed. Guy 2: Ouch. Guy 1: Yeah, I sent them to her dad.

Dec 6, 2009

Overheard: Inappropriate!

Two girls, walking through the mud after a football game. Girl 1: I want to make a really inappropriate joke. Girl 2: Is it a Trail of Tears joke? Girl 1: Okay, yeah.

Nov 22, 2009

Overheard: Burned To a Crisp

(Two girls, coming out of an exam.) Girl 1: Bombed it. That was terrible. Girl 2: I think I did okay, actually. Girl 1: And - damnit! And I forgot to water my veggies in FarmVille!