Jan 7, 2012

Jersey Shore: A Guide To The Extended Cast

Surprise, surprise: Thursday's season five premiere of Jersey Shore collected a million viewers less than the first episode of last season, when the cast was in Italy. Some people argue that they're sick of watching these same eight people, I argue that there's too many extraneous characters to keep track of.

Mar 25, 2011

Jersey Shore: Another Summer Comes to a Close

After seeing previews showing Snooki doing cartwheels and JWoww and Roger having 'the talk', I can't even tell you how excited I was for last night's season finale of Jersey Shore. I planned my whole night around it. I skipped yoga to be home to watch it. Hell, I skipped $1 beer night! And what did I get in return?

Mar 18, 2011

Jersey Shore: Drunk Dials from Mom

The only way to sum up last night's episode (or the whole season, really) of Jersey Shore is by trying to figure out who was the biggest bitch of the night. It's gonna be a toughie, but let's try.

Feb 18, 2011

Jersey Shore: 1, 2, 3, 4, I Declare a PRANK War

Between Deena being constipated and weighing 40 lbs more than the first episode, someone losing their "dirty drawers" (my money's on Snooks....) and the boys sticking poo poo pads under Deena's pillow only to later find them under their own, this ep should have just been called "Sh*ts and Giggles...and Ronnie Tears."'

Feb 11, 2011

Jersey Shore: See Ya Never, Sammi!

I'm so glad we were treated to yet another episode of Maury... I mean, Jerry Springer... I mean, The Jersey Shore: Sam/Ron edition part 5023. We are finally treated to The Situation's first (and only) wise words: "Just break the f*ck up already" and we just couldn't agree more.

Jan 28, 2011

Jersey Shore: The Punch Heard ‘Round The Boardwalk

Once Upon a Time, we are brought back to the greasy, dirty (city? town? state?) Kingdom of Long Island (why God, why?)... the land of disasters and stolen beds. Our heroines, Snookers and JWoww are raiding what Tom's left in the house. Stealing a BED? Chop his nuts off, Snook! The princesses collect Jenni's 17 fluffy puppies and bring them back to the Sleazeside Heights Palace.

Jan 21, 2011

Jersey Shore: A Very Special JWoww Episode

I personally look to JWoww for most social cues, particularly her taste in pasties and the fact that she's opted to develop a tranny voice with Newports. Those are things that I admire in a woman. Which is why I was thrilled when MTV decided to devote an entire episode this season to her.

Jan 7, 2011

Jersey Shore: Blast from the Past… in a Glass?

Oh. My. Guido. After a hard two months away from these tri-state tanning terrors, they've finally, FINALLY returned. Unless you haven't noticed our entire crew of juiceheads, grenades and gorillas gracing the cover of every magazine and headlining every gossip blog.

Jan 6, 2011

Jersey Shore: Your Guide to a Perfect Premiere Party

That's right CollegeCandyites, the time has come once again for our favorite bunch of swearing, drinking, and skanky kids to premiere their show on MTV tonight. No, I'm not talking about "Teen Mom," I'm of course referring to the Seaside Heights gang that we watched tear up South Beach just a couple months ago.

Oct 28, 2010

Jersey Shore: Until January…

Since last week's letdown of an episode, it's time to come to terms with the fact that Jersey Shore is no more. At least until January. You might be asking yourself, "But, but, but how am I ever going to get my Jersey fix without my eight seven lovable guidos/guidettes entertaining me on Thursday nights?"

Oct 22, 2010

Jersey Shore: She’s Phony, He’s Fake!

Other than, "OH YEAH, EVERGLADES, YEAH" it was really difficult for me to take anything away from last night's episode of Jersey Shore. Are we seriously dealing with a finale right now? I would've rather been watching South Park's ripoff of the Jersey cast....

Oct 15, 2010

Jersey Shore: The Decline of the Scumtuation

Last night's episode of the Jersey Shore finally put the last nail in the Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino coffin. Oh well, at least he has mad cooking skills to compete in Top Chef. I personally was heartbroken watching him go from house Papa Bear to ultimate entitled creepshow.

Oct 8, 2010


Was I watching an episode of Jersey Shore or "Antiques Roadshow" last night? It was hard to tell due to the fact that the show was so dull I almost felt like checking to see what was on PBS. No offense to you PBS, but you're not exactly bringing in the fist pumps every week.

Oct 1, 2010

Jersey Shore: Fistpumping, Frolicking and Fighting

We had many, many thoughts going into this episode. Many questions about how the Snooki/Angelina throwdown would go down. Questions on if Tee-Shirt time would make another appearance (it did). Questions if Pauly would, yet again, be a human alarm clock with a crazy Kool-Aid man "OH YEAHHHH!" voice (he was).

Sep 10, 2010

Jersey Shore: Feuds and Fossils

o we open on JWoww setting Sammi's face like a volleyball and Sammi throwing a spike right back at JWoww's kisser. Where to begin here? The entire episode was so cram-packed with drama, fighting and backstabbing that it's nearly impossible to recap every glorious moment of it.

Sep 3, 2010

Jersey Shore: The Sizzling Questions

Let me just open with a bold statement: Ron and Sammi need to get off my television, ASAP. Their negativity is clogging up the screen and prohibiting Snooki from getting her fist pump on. Seriously, get these two epic losers off of MTV before I JWoww their whiny behinds.

Aug 27, 2010

Jersey Shore: Or Was It The Hills?

Okay, when did the Jersey Shore become about heartfelt "feelings" and "emotions" instead of bar fights, beating the beat and smushing? SERIOUSLY. Thank goodness we had MVP running a very serious game plan last night about how they were going to maneuver three girls and a grenade to get us through the hour.

Aug 20, 2010

Jersey Shore: “Who’s President of the I.F.F.?”

Who can't help but love the dysfunction of the Jersey Shore? This week, the gang (I feel like we're opening a summary of Scooby Doo. Come on - Snookie, Scooby... same thing?) deals with some hard-hitting moral dilemmas.

Aug 13, 2010

Jersey Shore: Smush or Get Smushed

Is anyone else seeing a darker side of the Jersey Shore this season? No? Just me? Maybe I should take off my sunglasses when I'm inside. Ahhhh, much better. So far this season on J.S. there has been one underlying theme making its way through Miami: smush or get smushed. When you're smushin', you're crushing it, you're lookin good, you're rocking GTL and just ruling South Beach.

Aug 6, 2010

Jersey Shore: Guidos Teach Me Life Lessons

After discovering that Justin Timberlake's restaurant, Southern Hospitality in NYC serves fried pickles, I obviously dragged my roommate, whom I lovingly refer to as JWowww, before last night's new episode of Jersey Shore. Snooki was right: they totally take pickles to the next level. And leave me completely nauseous and unable to fistpump for the rest of the night.

Jul 30, 2010

Jersey Shore: Gym, Tan, SMUSH!

First and foremost, this has been the most anticipated show of the year for me. Needless to say, episode one of the Jersey Shore did not disappoint. From the first ten minutes (which we already saw) to the last, it was chock-full of immobile hair, grainy over-contrasted filter shots, super fruity blended drinks and fist pumps galore.

Dec 9, 2009

Jersey Shore: Bad for Guidos?

MTV is really getting their ass handed to them after the controversial premiere of the new reality series “Jersey Shore.” Not only has Dominos pulled out as an advertiser for the show, but MTV has also apparently received death threats from unhappy viewers.

Oct 27, 2010

2010’s Most Overdone Halloween Costumes Contest

Halloween 2010 is finally here and we're looking forward to celebrating the only national college holiday that ends with me getting stabbed in the eye by an oversized fairy wing. While we're excited to see all the awesome creative costumes, we're also dreading seeing all the cliche and uninspired pop culture costumes.