There was an oh-so-charming piece published in Esquire last week written by a gentleman who is fed up with all the mediocre sex he's having. Despite the fact that sex requires (at least) two participants, he put the onus of his inadequate sex life on his partners. Because there's nothing sexier than a dude who refuses to take any responsibility. Am I right, ladies?
My enthusiasm for blowjobs is a recent occurrence. A couple of years ago, I was fairly neutral on the act. When I was in high school, I was absolutely adamant that I would never, ever, in a million years, give one. I thought they were degrading, uncomfortably submissive, and something only women with no self-respect would do (I'm utterly ashamed of my younger self).
When I was a virgin, I had all kinds of preconceived notions about sex. I assumed quickies were only for select occasions - mainly impromptu, possibly clandestine encounters and/or for when you were merely pressed for time. After a couple of years of fornication experience, I've reached the conclusion that quickie sex is the best sex.
How many of us have been in a situation where we're hooking up and the guy just slides in without much warning? Or how many of us have encountered men who are absurdly petulant when their partner asks them to put one on? They always have a litany of excuses or justifications -- "It doesn't feel as good"/"I can't stay hard with one on"/"I'm clean, don't you trust me?"
Whether it's in the form of Rihanna singing about how whips and chains excite her, Chelsea Handler writing a memoir about one night stands or regular girls blogging explicitly about their sex lives, ladies are definitely not afraid to be open about their sexual proclivities. I'm a firm supporter of being open about sex, breaking taboos and refraining from treating sex like it's something grimy and shameful. However, sometimes I wonder how much of this openness is actually about finding empowerment.
From an American perspective, the rhetoric is either, "Sex is awesome, and if you're not having it, your life fails to have any meaning" or "If you're having sex, you're a dirty heathen who deserves to burn in eternal damnation." This is so dysfunctional, and I really feel it does more harm than good.
We all know the cultural significance of the g-spot - it leads to rainbows, unicorns and $100 bills squirting from your vag if stimulated properly. There has been a lot of debate over the years as to whether it even exists, since the vast majority of women cannot orgasm from vaginal penetration alone.
Booty Parlor is a line of products that were created with women's sexuality in mind, whether she's single or in a relationship. It is a brand that encourages women to indulge in their sexiness, free of shame or self-consciousness.
I know, giving is just as important as receiving. Sex is about all parties involved, and I absolutely believe that no one should feel deprived of pleasure after a hook up. But everyone has their limits, their deal breakers, their things that they're just not that into.
It's that time of year where we all take stock of our lives, realize we're hot messes and resolve to change our behavior...for about two weeks. Because while eating healthier, working out more and generally being a more mature person are worthy aspirations that we should all work towards, we would be remiss if we failed to acknowledge that our sex lives could always use a little work.
So, in between endless reruns of A-List and RuPaul's Drag Race, LOGO airs a gem called Bad Sex. Ten people with varying levels of sexual dysfunction all seek help, but unlike most other "tough love" type reality shows, the person from whom they're receiving therapy is a) sex positive and b) a certified sex therapist. Last week, I had the opportunity to interview Chris Donaghue, star of Bad Sex, and ask him about some of the sexual dysfunctions featured on the show.
'Tis the season to be jolly, to count thy blessings, and to make itemized lists of all the things you want. I used to wish for an easy bake oven, then Justin Timberlake's hand in marriage, then an unlimited supply of Louboutins...oh, wait, I could still definitely go for that. In addition to a shoe closet to rival Mariah Carey's (and world peace), I also wish for a shift in our collective sexual culture.
A couple of weeks ago, my editor forwarded me a fierce press release and asked me if I wanted to interview Dr. Jennifer Landa. She's a gynecologist/entrepreneur who specializes in helping ladies get their sexy back. How could I not take the opportunity to talk to someone whose entire career is based on empowering women to have better sex?