Even though the last Bachelor couple has already split (and dragged each other through the tabloid dirt - you know, just another day at ABC!), I can't deny that I have been counting down the days to the season premiere of The Bachelorette. Finally, my Mondays are good again.
Okay. So by now we’re all aware of Charlie Sheen’s major meltdown. His in house goddessess. His tiger blood. His reinvention of the word winning. Charlie Sheen is having a major moment. He’s also having a major meltdown. And its newsworthy right now, but he’s also just the most recent celeb to meltdown in a long line of many.
Hey, Foot? Meet my mouth. I never, ever thought I would be saying this, but last night's Women Tell All segment of The Bachelor had me feeling all kinds of bad for
crazy wacktress single mom "fightin' the good fight and lookin' for love" Michelle. For those of you who tuned in to watch the claws come out and hair weaves fly, you were probably left dissatisfied.
Dear Future Men I Date, Last night’s episode of The Bachelor made me aware of one glaring fact about myself: Despite what I might drunkenly slur while curled in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, I won’t actually go to impossibly great lengths to get a man to like me.
Last night’s hometown date episode of The Bachelor proved to reveal the very interesting, very…unique…sides of each of the four remaining potential Mrs. Womacks. From Shawntel’s cringe-inducing awkwardness to Chantal’s expanding (food) baby bump, the night was full of unintentionally hysterical twists and turns.
Maybe it was the episode’s lack of X-Treme dates, the swell in my heart when Brad “broke the rules” for Emily, the way Shawntel conversed with those natives, or maybe it was just the (empty) bottle of champagne and (almost empty) giant bag of pink M&Ms sitting in my lap, but guys- I’m seriously excited to see what happens from here on out!
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’ve been watching this show since season one, and that because of my superior attention span (Like, seriously, do you know how many “ladies, this is the final rose” lines I’ve sat through? Do you!?) I can really tell that the equilibrium has shifted from contestants looking for love, to ones looking for the dramz.
Have you ever considered applying to be a contestant on The Bachelor? I totally have, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Think about it. We’ve all dated before; some relationships simply work out better than others. The ones that, well, end abruptly usually do so because of some disturbing, long-term scarring reason...
Y’all, after watching last night’s episode of The Bachelor, I’ve totally had a change of heart. I think Brad’s a really swell, understanding, sensitive, sweet, in-touch, adorable, witty, intelligent hunk of hot man... I mean, why else would Michelle stress so much as to give herself a black eye?
Did you know that Brad’s 38? The oldest woman recruited for the show is 32. Miss Melissa, the waitress from Connecticut, is six years Brad’s junior and was denied a rose the second week. (Although, to be fair, I have a feeling it had less to do with her age and more to do with her Vienna horse face/the fact that she was CRAZY.)
It seems like every day there’s a new relationship study published somewhere. One day the news lady with the helmet hair is saying that guys are attracted to curvy women; the next day she’s saying they like ‘em stick thin. One says we’re attracted to people who look like our parents. Another says we prefer someone to say something nice to us than to have sex at all.
If you’ve ever been the new kid at school, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It’s when, on the second day of classes, you sit in 4th period English and think to yourself, “I gave it a fair shot and I still hate every single one of these idiots.”
So did you hear? Brad Womack’s been doing a bit of soul searching. And if you tuned in to last night’s Bachelor season premiere, you definitely got the message…about a thousand times. When Chris Harrison and Brad himself weren’t rejoicing over such a changed man, his therapist even gave a testament to how much effort has been put into this redemption project.