If you haven’t heard, Brody Jenner, step brother to the Kardashian sisters, older brother to Kendall and Kylie and, of...
"It was exhausting. And next, the Fashion Police. Please be kind on me, I'm new at this."
There are three things I need for a good party night: a few shots of cheap vodka, a cute outfit and the perfect party companions. And I've done a good job rounding up the three, if I do say so myself. Like most college girls, I've perfected the art of the party and have plenty of Facebook photos to prove it.
Yesterday I tripped up some stairs, yes up. That's okay though, because it was still the best day ever. As I hobbled back home and onto my couch, the sweet sound of gossip news on E! informed me that my childhood love, Justin Timberlake was finally, and truly single. Score! It got me thinking, why are so many hollywood hotties tied down?
Dear "That Guy", Your ability to drink in excess and ruin 95% of pictures taken at parties gets me hot and bothered. I think it's uhh... adorable that you maintain your appearance to the point where I question your sexual orientation. I guess I respect the fact that you tweeze, bleach and pluck more than me.
Guess who decided to up and pull a diva move? No, Mariah Carey isn’t castrating an intern for bringing her flat water instead of sparking (though, probably she is). It’s those darn Jersey Shore kids! Rumor has it that before the second season has even premiered, they’re fighting for salary raises, refusing to do a third season unless their demands are met.
Anyone else see that one coming? I know I didn’t. I spent the entire episode scribbling notes about the forced endings for all of the characters, Brody’s horrible attempt at tears at Kristin’s goodbye party, and questioning the whole “Kristin is moving to Europe” plotline when we all know she’s still trolling L.A. in a bikini and heels.
It's the end of an era. After 6 seasons of fake drama, long and uncomfortable staring, and fights over cocktails that no one seems to pay for, The Hills is coming to an end tonight. There are many rumors surrounding tonight's one-hour episode, like whether Speidi will make an appearance, if LC will show up and if Audrina and JB will get back together.
• Who does Simon think should replace him? • Pics of Wal-mart shoppers never get old. • Surprise! Kate Hudson dates another washed-up rocker. • Keep your ex in your past. For real! • This probably isn't the best idea, Brody Jenner. • Where did Lindsay Lohan go wrong?
With the series finale of The Hills coming up next week (moment of silence....) it seems the producers tried to pack as much as they could into last night's episode. For the first time in history we only got one long stare (between Stephanie and her motorcycle man)! But that might have something to do with the fact that Audrina was M.I.A.
• Jelly shoes are one thing, but jelly BOOTS?! • Brody Jenner and Kristin just don't do it. • Are Brad and Angie gonna tie the knot? • A guide for hipster's summer wear. • Why you should stay Facebook friends with your ex. • Wonder Woman gets a MAJOR makeover.
Have you ever tried eating animal crackers while watching The Hills? I have…out of a Costco basin…. and those little guys are so crunchy I couldn’t hear a thing. I can’t tell you how many times I had to rewind the show so I didn’t miss anything important. Which, as it turns out, was a total waste of time once I actually listened to what was going on:
One of my biggest issues with The Hills is that all these kids have a ton of money and do nothing all day. Wait, that's not where I meant to go with this. I mean, yes, that is a big issue, but not my point. My other biggest issue with The Hills is that the producers make ridiculous things happen and never really fully develop them.
OK. One question: where were Spencer and Heidi on last night's episode of The Hills? I kept waiting for them to show up at the bar, sit down with Stephanie and Lo on their double date, and pop out of the couch cushions with some healing crystals when Kristin and Brody duked it out. But they were nowhere to be found.
So it seems the people behind The Hills really want to go out with a bang…. and reignite Ryan Cabrera’s failed music career. It worked for Gaga (remember when LC and Whitney had to style her at some event a few seasons back?), so maybe Mr. Cabrera will be donning leotards and selling out stadiums around the world in a few years.
It all started in the whimsical land of Laguna Beach, where dreams and drama were born (if dreams included watching Steven juggle between Lauren and Kristen, and drama included which beach party to attend). Then the Laguna locals have moved to bigger boobs and better things, in Hollywood. And now 'The Hills' begins it's 7th and final run on Tuesday. Hold your caps folks, it's going to be a wild ride!
• What sorts of crazy is MJ's doctor spewing now!? • Donald Trump defends cheating bastards. • 8 signs he's a keeper. • Brody Jenner chose her over me?! Waaaah (Snooki voice) • 10 perfect black bags under $100 • Tiger Woods is committed to his marriage. For real this time.
• Check out the Kardashians' line for Bebe! • Are John Krasinski and Emily Blunt meant to be? • Sweet shades, dude. • Who is Brody Jenner's newest GF? • NYFW doesn't want anything to do with LiLo. • Clearly, Oprah doesn't watch football.
• Amy Winehouse needs to stop beating people up. • The most under-reported stories of 2009. • Does the "nice guy" even exist? • Well, these posters are a bit insensitive now... • Is it worth it to travel in your 20s? • Balloon boy's parents are sentenced.
• Bring on health care reform! • Would you wear human hair jewelry? • Let the Amy Winehouse downward spiral begin. • The 13 best makeup tools. • Tiger's divorce is gonna be pretty pricey. • Brody Jenner is single!!
So there it was: the season finale of The Hills. You’d think MTV would give Kristin a little more time to pack up her things and get out of the house they rented for her, but no; they pushed her out on the last day of filming. Where will she go?
I’ll be honest: sometimes it’s hard to find stuff to write about from The Hills. Something new, at least. And last night's episodes was one of the most difficult yet, due to the fact that every conversation had was just a recap of the one in the scene before it.
The main reason any of us watch The Hills is because the lives of all those pretty people in L.A. are more exciting and dramatic than our own. They go out to fabulous clubs, they eat at the best restaurants, they drive the nicest cars and they hang out with the prettiest people. And they get into bitch brawls at the bar.
Back when JB was doin’ his thang with Audrina, we hated him for many reasons. Obviously, he was treating her like dirt, but he also had long, greasy hair, wore ugly hats and burped at the dinner table. G-to the-ross. When Krisin came into the picture it seemed that, much like his hygiene, Justin Bobby had cleaned up his act.
So The Hills was on last night. 22 minutes of bikinis, bitching and Spencer in a cowboy hat. And seriously, that’s about it. While I usually stare at the TV open-mouthed at the absurd drama happening over in Hollywood, last night I just sat there, eyes glazed over with that “Whaaaa?” look you’d expect to find on Caitlin Upton’s face.
Okay girls, The Hills premiere is almost here! (September 29 at 10 pm, to be exact). I’m totally freaking out! I can barely contain my excitement. Yes, I know it is extremely embarrassing that I’m counting down the hours, but who’s with me?
Anyone else forget that it was Monday yesterday? I spent my day BBQing with friends (or eating whatever they BBQed while I sat on the couch watching tv) only to come home, turn on my TV and realize I was halfway through The Hills. I was devastated ("SPENCER IS SUPPOSED TO APOLOGIZE TONIGHT!!")...
After watching some weird 80’s flashback episode of Gossip Girl, I was hoping for something a little more…er… modern entertaining when it came to The Hills last night. And besides that weird sequins headband thingy that Steph wore (and that I also wore in 1994 to a dance recital) MTV came through for me once again.
Ok, now correct me if I’m wrong, but Brody did come out of his hotel room in Hawaii and tell all the boys that he cheated on Jayde, right? (And what the hell kind of stripper name is Jayde, really?!) Does Brody consider sitting up all night talking about his GF with another girl cheating or was he just trying to impress his friends by telling them that he cheated?
Spring has sprung and bromance is in the air. Correct me if I'm wrong, but is there anything hotter than two men who are such good friends they are often confused as lovers? I think not. Maybe it's because they exhibit the exact characteristics I look for in my own relationships with men.
Even though I know full and well that The Hills is all a crock of reality sh*t, I still spend a good chunk of each episode pulling out the proof. For example, if the show were real, then there would be no way Lauren would get to take time off from her internship last minute to jet-set to Hawaii. And if the show were real, that Bible in Spencer’s hand would have been real….and would have burned at his touch.
Tonight was a pretty stellar night. First, I worked out next to a total hottie on the elliptical (but didn’t muster up the courage in my sweaty ‘beater to say anything), then I came home and watched an AMAZING episode of Gossip Girl while eating an ice cream sandwich, and then Spencer and Heidi went to therapy.
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