No seriously, don't step on that crack. I don't want my mom's back to break.
Parents didn’t understand you—no one but your friends and music, man.
Your boxes are unpacked, your bed is made, and your parents have left the building. You are officially a college student. Woohoo! No more living under their rules. You are a free adult livin’ the dorm life. It takes a few days of getting used to, but you’re finally feeling settled. You’ve even sorta mastered the cafeteria slop. This whole college thing isn’t so hard after all.
I saw him at my first sorority mixer. He was the social chair of his fraternity and from the moment he checked my name on the guest list, I was in love. He looked dreamy in his designer jeans and flip flops, his hair perfectly floppy. And he knew my name. Well, at least for that moment.
Let’s face it: we’ve all done some questionable things in our lives. Things we think are totally logical in the moment, but make us cringe when we think about them later on. Things that we wouldn't even tell our best friend, because we can't handle that look of disapproval that she's so. damn. good at.
Would You Rather have uncontrollable, loud gas at your first dinner with your boyfriend's parents OR find out that your parents snooped and read every text message in your phone?
Last week, my boyfriend and I found this group of guys who boffer (it's basically sword fighting role play) so that he could do a documentary about them. I went with because I was bored and figured I could help Matt out. I was expecting a group of stereotypical Dungeons and Dragons nerds; aka fat white boys who have no social lives. Well, we show up and there were, dare I say, really hot guys there!
Aw! You tripped in the middle of the quad and a tampon sky rocketed into the public eye. The 'Lion King' soundtrack on your iTunes popped up unannounced during a study break with the cutest dude in your class. You managed to spill fruit juice on your white blouse before a huge presentation.
Would you rather pee on your guy out of excitement when he proposes OR throw up on him out of excitement when he proposes?
Would you rather have to go to the hospital still "connected" to your guy because you somehow got stuck together OR have to go to the hospital because using a carrot as a pleasure stick wasn't such a great idea?
As I said last week, when I'm with my friends I tend to feel like the mom of the group. Well, I've recently discovered that there are some perks to being the momma of the group and the only girl in my group in a long term relationship. I've become the one that everyone else comes to for advice or when they have an awkward relationship/sex questions.
Your boxes are unpacked, your bed is made, and your parents have left the building. You are officially a college student. It takes a few days of getting used to, but you’re finally feeling settled. You’ve even sorta mastered the cafeteria slop. This whole college thing isn’t so hard after all. That is, until you need to do a little #2 in the public bathroom down the hall.
A trip to the campus bookstore is an exercise in self-assurance. When you spot an intriguing book that you cannot wait to read cover to cover, you may or may not have the cajones to bring it up to the counter. Why, you ask? Hmm, maybe because its entitled The Going Down Guide: Tongue Tips and Oral Techniques for Men and Women!
But would I ever be on a reality show? Hell to the no. As fun as potentially melting down in front of millions of people at home sounds, I'd much rather be the one on my couch - bowl of brownie batter in hand - than the one being cut, manipulated and edited into some freak show for America's enjoyment.
I will admit it, I’m an awkward girl. I’ll say goodbye to someone and then walk in the same direction as them with a stupid grin on my face. I’ve messed up high fives more times than should be legally allowed. I’ve called my roommates good friend (whom I’ve known for months) “Tyler,” when his name is “Lucas”...HOW DO YOU MESS THAT UP?
We love our mothers unconditionally. No matter how angry we get at them or how embarrassed our mothers make us, we continue to be on their side. They can yell at us, criticize us or even spend over $15,000 on plastic surgery in attempt to look like our identical twin and we will still love 'em anyway.
Beware, your mother is on now Facebook. You don't believe me? Well, CNN has the proof. They are reporting that women over 55 are the fastest growing group on Facebook. That's right, your mother is sending you a friend request at this very moment.
Oh Sunday mornings. There’s nothing quite like stumbling out of a lofted dorm bed in last night’s stretched-out leggings, wayward bobby pins dangling from stringy bangs. You brush your teeth, rub the eyeliner crusties from your eyes and attempt to scrub off that not-so-fetching jungle juice stain on your chin. You're still trying to get the mascara off your cheek when it hits you. Did you text him?
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