Wanna know what happened on this week's creation of Gossip Girl? Why don't you look up the word 'lamesauce' in the dictionary and get back at me. Didn't find anything? Well, it's time to petition Merriam-Webster, because that's the only word I can think of to describe the disappointment I feel for this show on a weekly basis. A girl can only be distracted with lace blazers and Nate smirks for so long before she totally gives up
I feel like a broken record (or more like my iPod with "Grenade" on repeat) for saying this again but yesterday's Gossip Girl was.....oh sorry, fell asleep there for a second. Yeah, it was blah. And I was bored.
Burrr. It's cold in the Midwest and the frostbite that was last night's episode of Gossip Girl isn't making it any better. GG is turning into the LAX airport; I hate going there, but the celebrity fashion is great. I really think the CW network has the ability to turn any show into the most depressing thing I've ever seen. I mean look at One Tree Hill.
I have a confession to make (that I hope eventually, everyone will forgive me for): I kept my finger on the 'last' button of my remote and whenever the CW called 'commercial' on GG, I switched to The Bachelor. I'm a terribly faithful GG fan, but what is a girl to do when the writers of GG are lazy sacks of crap who just keep making and breaking Dan and Serena up? I had no choice but to turn to a ton of emotional girls fighting for some Southern twang.
Let me get this straight. Juliet has been terrorizing the Upper East Side in her outlet mall dresses for months because Lily WhateverHerLastNameIs wanted Serena to get into a good high school? SERIOUSLY?
Despite my previous attempt (and some damn good ideas, if I do say so myself), Gossip Girl producers did not hear my 'let's change Gossip Girl once and for all' desperate call. I had hope for them, I really did. And now I'm left binge eating an entire bowl of popcorn and sitting in my family room more frustrated than I was when I sat down last week to get some GG and discovered there was no episode.
The entire season of Gossip Girl thus far has been the foreplay to the ultimate climax in a brewing 'Serana take down' courtesy of Team Brooklyn (i.e. Jenny, Vanessa, and Juliet). And not the good kind that gets you all hot and bothered. More like 'what the hell are you doing with your hands, drunken frat pledge?' foreplay. Read: horrific.
I don't know what those Gossip Girl writers are smoking over there at CW HQ but it must be laced with something bad because this show has turned into the worst piece of crap in TV history. Seriously, I think I'd rather watch a Hoarders marathon than this dribble. This episode just makes me so angry.
What do you have planned for Monday night? A group meeting? A date with the treadmill? Well, reschedule because we're teaming up with Philo (What's Philo?! Um only the hottest social networking thingy since Facebook) to throw the ultimate CollegeCandy Gossip Girl viewing party.
OK, let's get the best part of the show out of the way early, shall we? Blair pushed Rachel Zoe down, a fondue chocolate bowl fell on her head, and she said, "I die" in that deranged elf voice. And I trembled with glee. It was BANANAS. Not to mention, that was probably enough calories for Zoe for the week!
Alright everyone, take a moment to remain calm. Is your hair in missionary disarray, just like Serena's after her night with the "cab stealer?" Mine is. I was ready to tear it out during the entire episode. Then I came to my senses, fearing having to get extensions like Jenny's. OH THE HORROR.
Have you ever been so excited for something - counting down the minutes, planning your day around it, fantasizing about how amazingly awesome it is going to be, turning off your cell phone so you won't be interrupted - only to be totally disappointed? Yeah, welcome to the day I lost my virginity my Monday night.
I was way excited to dig into this week's Gossip Girl. Did Juliet finally get Botox and a new wardrobe so she could at least appear five years younger? Is that french fairy, Eva, going to touch Chuck with her magic wand? Is Dan going to get the sensation of baby poop out of his nostrils?