A group of seven middle school boys in Ohio have been charged with assaulting a teacher after feeding them semen and urine-infused foods.
This is just a little ridiculous.
Parents didn’t understand you—no one but your friends and music, man.
I am not photogenic. Not at all. The majority of my tagged photos on Facebook have me half-blinking one eye, slightly resembling the face people make before they sneeze.
Middle school. What a horribly awkward time. I personally believe that middle school is the thing everyone has to live through in order to earn adulthood. But you know what made it a little better? The amazingly hot celebs on TV and in movies and music when we were kids! Any bad day could (and still can be) made better by listening to Justin Timberlake belt out a love song.
If I could go to a Bat Mitzvah every weekend for the rest of my life, I would. Those were the glory days. Personalized everything, sundae bars, extremely awful DJs, and everyone in their pubescent splendor.
Ah, middle school dances. Remember those? Middle school was a time filled with girls who like boys but are taller than them and boys who like girls but are suffering through that awkward I might-be-going-through-puberty-soon stage. A time for "do you like me? check yes or no" notes, relentless bullying as a sign of flirtation, and teachers who are more in tuned with the adolescent gossip than the actual students are.
Middle school sucks, hands down. I don't know anyone who has ever claimed that middle school was the best three years of their life. And if I did know someone who said that, I would also know that they were a pathological liar. Between the ages of 12 and 14, kids are awkwardly trying to adjust to their pubescent bodies. And they have braces. So things are just awkward all around.
There's a new reality show in town, peeps, and this time it's actually good. I'm not talking so-bad-it's-oh-so-good like Jersey Shore and all it's fist pumping glory (as thankful as I am that I've learned how to beat the beat); I'm talking eye-opening, thought provoking, I-can't-believe-this-is-the-country-we-live-in good, and it's starting this Friday.
A few weeks ago we learned that men are such fragile beings that they tend to buy condoms that are too big for them instead of admitting (to the CVS lady) that their junk is on the smaller side. And now we've discovered that less-endowed men aren't the only ones with a condom sizing issue - 12-year-old-boys can't seem to find condoms in their middle school size, either.
I vividly remember the times when Salt-N-Pepa’s “Let’s Talk about Sex” would come on the radio while I was being chauffeured around by my mother. I would plead to the heavens above that she would not take this opportunity to actually talk about sex with me. I dreaded the conversation that I knew was coming.
Sixth grade was a rough year for me. I was sitting at the semi-popular table at lunch and was delusional enough to think I was the cat’s pajamas. Looking back, I simply was not. Maybe because I used phrases like "the cat's pajamas." And now, a Swedish study is telling me that my unpopularity will cause me to suffer from heart disease and diabetes later in life and I will most likely start doing drugs and try to kill myself.