Deep down, I’m sure most men are deeply sensitive souls who absolutely love romantic gestures and cute pet names. But a lot of the time, they’re really not interested in you blowing up their phone with cutesy, over the top, lovey-dovey texts. They want simple, to the point messages that connect with their most basic desires and instincts: food, sex, and laziness. Inspired by this bizarre post, which details 52 texts that are apparently essential to keeping your man happy, we’ve written our own list of 52 text messages that guys ACTUALLY want to receive.
1. Ordering pizza for dinner – what toppings do you want?
2. I’m horny, come over.
3. Screw the party, let’s just stay in and watch Netflix.
4. Here’s a detailed list of reasonably priced things I actually want for Valentine’s Day/Christmas/my Birthday… Choose any of these and I’ll be happy.
5. Last night was AMAZING. [Gotta love a good ego boost]
6. My parents can’t make it, looks like you won’t have to meet them until next year!
7. Can you believe what happened in *show you both watch* last night??
8. Don’t worry, you can call me tomorrow! Go have fun with the guys : )
9. For future reference, here’s my dress size/bra size:
10. Can’t wait for tonight… ; )
11. Guess what?! I got us two tickets for the Lakers game!!
12. *dirty picture*
13. You’re definitely the funniest out of your friends.
14. Of course I’m not jealous of her! I know you’re just really good friends, I’m not worried.
15. Actually… she’s pretty hot. Do you still want that threesome?
16. I’m ready to go when you are! [when you’re actually ready… not the lie you tell when you’re still in sweatpants]
17. My parents just told me they really like you.
18. Just bought some new thongs from Victoria’s Secret… Want a private runway show?
19. Yes, I saw you looking at that girl’s boobs, but it’s totally okay. I’m fine with you finding other girls attractive!
20. I don’t really find Ryan Gosling attractive, to be honest.
21. Nope, no guys are coming – just a night out with the girls!
22. Look, I’m on my period this week so I might be a little crazy. Let’s hang out once it’s over.
23. I’m not even thinking about marriage right now!
24. You’re looked really hot yesterday.
25. Hope you had a good night! I left coffee and aspirin in the kitchen for when you wake up.
26. Wake up! I made you breakfast. [Sent only after 11am, obviously. And only if you live with him. Don’t be a stalker. The breakfast should include bacon.]
27. I’ve been thinking about you all day…
28. Don’t worry, I know you’ve got loads of work. Go focus and we can hang out when you’re done.
29. Let’s just forget the diet tonight – we’ll eat whatever you want.
30. Just a reminder, it’s your mom’s birthday next week. [It’s scientifically proven that men are more forgetful than women. Help a guy out.]
31. Tell me what turns you on. Whatever it is, we’ll do it tonight.
32. I’m not going to get too drunk tonight. I promise, no drunk calls at 3am.
33. If you don’t want to hang out with my friends tonight it’s okay, honestly.
34. You’re way bigger than my ex. [Doesn’t have to be a text, he’ll pretty much enjoy hearing this in any context.]
35. I’ve got handcuffs and condoms. Come over.
36. I actually just want to stay in and relax tonight, you should go watch the game with your friends!
37. So I just spoke to my Dad’s friend and he might be able to get you a job! [Hey, it’s a tough time right now. Your boyfriend’s trying to make some bills.]
38. Let’s make tonight all about you ; ) [Speaking of jobs…]
39. Don’t worry, I took care of the laundry/washing up/vacuuming!
40. What do you want for dinner tonight? I’m making.
41. Where do you want to go for dinner tonight? I’m paying.
42. Nope, I don’t want to see *insert name of romantic comedy here*! Let’s go see *insert name of dumb action movie here*!
43. You’re the Jay-Z to my Beyoncé. [This is the best compliment you can ever give your boyfriend. Fact.]
44. You don’t even need to go to the gym, you’re already so hot.
45. Your friends are cool, I like hanging out with them. [Your boyfriend was really nervous about introducing you to his friends, trust us.]
46. My friends think you’re cool. [He was also really nervous about meeting your friends.]
47. It really turns me on when you…
48. I’m sorry, you were right.
49. I really hate guys who make loads of over the top romantic gestures, it’s such a waste of money.
50. I listened to that song you recommended… I love it! [He wants to know he has great taste]
51. You’re the best I’ve ever had.
52. I love you : ) [Always good to know.]