It’s been considered a dating rule that hooking up too soon is a surefire way to kill any chance for a guy to respect you. “You had sex with him on the first date? Oh, no! Now he’ll never think of you as girlfriend material.” “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” “You are the easiest sex, goodbye!” Industry standard was that you should wait until date number three to let him sample from the honey tree…because it would take three dates for him to think of you as more than a piece of ass? Because it would let you get to know him enough to judge whether you had chemistry? Because Stone Cold said so? WHY? Does anyone believe in this rule anymore? NO! NO! NO!
The old hard and steady “rules” of dating no longer apply in 2014. You can sleep with a man on the first date, second date, or date number twenty-four. Whenever you feel like you want to jump under the sheets you should jump under the sheets. If the chemistry’s there after two or three hours then feel free to start experimenting.
The notion that someone will think less of you because you slept with them “too soon” is relative. That could mean date number one or date number thirteen. To shatter a misconception, I’ve hardly ever heard of one person looking down on another because they wanted to have sex and had said sex when they wanted to. Gosh, that just sounds like a disastrous set of circumstances, doesn’t it? “Don’t you dare have sex because you both want to.” “Don’t have fun. ““Be ashamed for wanting too. ““You’re devaluing your carnal treasure!” I call horse slop!
If you have sex with someone on the first date and they don’t want a date number two, odds are they wouldn’t have called for a date number two anyway. They probably wouldn’t have been worth a second date. Having had some fun on your way to finding out it’s not going to last is nothing to be ashamed of. Chemistry, sexual chemistry specifically, is a crucial component to generating a lovey-dovey relationship. Turn around the idea here: why wouldn’t you sleep with someone you thought you had that chemistry with before you decided whether you wanted to get more serious with them? Whatever your hang ups about having sex “too soon” is, most likely they’re coming from you, not from your date.
If a relationship doesn’t work out, it’s not because of when you first had sex. That’s just a ridiculous amount of pressure to put on an activity that’s supposed to be about getting pleasure. Relationships work out because two people are not compatible at whatever time in their lives they’ve decided to give it a go. It comes down to personalities, the ways you approach life, and how mature you both are emotionally. When you have first sex for the first time has, pretty much, nothing to do with it.
Speaking of two consensual adults who have great chemistry: there’s no reason to wait to have sex. I’m not endorsing having sex if you’re not sure. I’m not saying you “don’t be safe” when it comes to sex. I’m not saying that you aren’t putting yourself out there when you do hook up. I’m saying, the old rules of dating are outdated. Sex is not the dirty word the old school puritanical value systems would have had you believe. Sex is a natural craving you have. You tend to get that itch with someone you want to find out if you’re compatible with. Someone who would judge you for wanting to have sex is not someone you’d want to be with. Have sex when you feel ready, not when “etiquette” dictates.
If you want to have sex with someone on the first date then pack the proper protection and have fun. If you don’t feel like you’re ready until the sixth date, then don’t move any faster. The third date isn’t magically going to sway you one way or another. When you’re ready, you’re ready. Life’s too short and fragile to let BS get in the way of enjoying any aspect of your life.
Go at the pace that’s right for you,
[Lead image via ollyy/Shutterstock]