You’re officially ancient, because Saved By the Bell turns 25 years old today. If SBTB was a person, they’d currently be coping with a quarter life crisis (I can relate). If, for some odd reason, you’re unfamiliar with the magic of the series, Netflix has you covered. If, on the other hand, you spent the majority of your childhood plotting your marriage to Zack Morris, you’ll be happy to know that he turned out okay. While there’s no way to know for sure what the gang would be up to these days, I can only assume…
[Photo via Celebuzz]
Zack Morris is thrice divorced. After things inevitably ended with his childhood sweetheart Kelly Kapowski, he moved to Venice Beach and attempted pro surfing accordingly. In his quest for a less basic love interest, he’s dated 95% of American women. The most successful of the bunch (other than Screech), Zach started his own cult-like pyramid scheme after an unsuccessful ploy to run for office. Once his bets with Slater started getting old, he began to frequent the horse races. He’s currently coping with a gambling addiction.
[Photo via What Culture]
Jessie “Mama” Spano became a serious pill popper after her college days, relegated to life on the pole. She attempts to put a feminist spin on the activity, and has become a speaker for strippers everywhere. Despite her squeaky clean image and plethora of extracurricular activities, her high school addiction to caffeine pills quickly escalated to methamphetamine.
[Photo via Hampton Roads]
Sameul “Screech” Powers became Zuckerberg-level famous when he created a pick-up artist app that forced women to date nerds like him. His version of negging involves magic tricks that he picked up at The Max. Screech currently lives in a geeked out bachelor pad loft in Brooklyn, where his propensity for mismatched neon prints is actually considered cool (but only in Williamsburg, and ironically). He frequents nightclubs, attempting to pick up women with his techie ways.
Lisa Turtle grew to regret not giving Screech a chance after he made his fortune. Luckily for her, she became a famous fashion designer, basing most of her designs on popular 80s gear (which is why it’s seeing such a resurgence these days). Unfortunately, her love of style doesn’t translate to beauty products. In a quest to re-gain attention from Screech, she went under the knife, never to recover from botched surgeries.
[Photo via Extra]
After struggling with finances during her high school years, Kelly Kapowski vowed never to be poor again. Once her relationship with Zack dissolved (his wandering eye ruined them), she moved on to older and wealthier possibilities. Like Anna Nicole, she married an oil man who had seen better days (50 years ago), who oddly enough resembled Mr. Belding (perhaps it was Rod, his cool brother).
[Photo via Just Jared]
Albert Clifford “A.C.” Slater, like most army brats, had a difficult time committing in adulthood, to both people and places. After years spent with Jessie, he finally realized the error of his ways and became a staunch feminist. Once he figured out how to control his hair, he traded sports for a modeling contract. Not much has changed, though, as he still spends most of his time working on his sick beach body and he and Zack compete over women to this day. Slater sometimes puts his spandex wrestling outfit on, but only when requested in the bedroom.