Before there were yoga pants, what did we do with our lives? Kidding, I know exactly what we wore, I just don’t know why we wore it– Juicy, Solow, Hard Tail, and Soffes were the O.G. yoga pants, and boy, were they ugly. In the pre-Lululemon days of our youth, we were perpetually struggling to find the perfect pants, somewhere between slutty and stylish. These days, if you’re heading to the gym (see also: too hungover to function), the obvious choice is yoga pants. You can always throw on norts if you’re feeling extremely lazy, but then you have to commit the rest of your look to work out ready, and sometimes that can take more effort than a sundress.
Juicy sweatsuits might be the ultimate look for Real Housewives of, Shosh, and the “cool moms” of today, but they used to be the uniform of celebutantes and populars. Everyone knows that if your parents didn’t love you enough to shell out $150+ for ridiculously overpriced terry cloth (preferably with super chic cargo pants pockets), you were a poor, obviously. Juicy sweatsuits were the great equalizer. Whether early 2000s celebrities were buying groceries or strutting the red carpet, they were rocking their signature sweatsuit. It didn’t matter if you were Paris Hilton or a Laguna Beach girl, you were impossibly cool the second that “Juicy” logo was draped across your derriere. With your Yorkshire Terrier squeezed inside your logo heavy bag, your platform flip-flops on your feet (even more heinous than Spice Girls Skechers), and your charm bracelet covered in shopping bags, you were basically a celebrity. Once you smothered your body in Tiffany & Co. bling you were ready for anything.
You know you were a Juicy Couture girl if you had such an epic sweats selection that you still wear them when you’re casually lounging. I recently saw a girl I know in a full velour Juicy sweatsuit on a Sunday at noon. After a particularly rough evening it can be hard to put on human clothing when you just need a latte for sustenance — but girlfriend didn’t seem to realize that wearing the whole nine yards in public post-2005 is equivalent to rocking an Abercrombie mini, even though in the aughts it would have been everything.
Unfortunately, Juicy Couture no longer exists, which makes it difficult (but not impossible) to cover your entire body in beyond basic rhinestone velour. Most brands are able to survive over the years, but the problem with Juicy was that it didn’t grow, or change, and post-recession no one wanted to spend over a hundred dollars on a hideous track jacket. It was a brave new world, and instead of adapting, Juicy refused to evolve (much like middle school mean girls). Juicy stayed Paris Hilton, when it really needed to morph into the Kardashian klan.
While there were many heinous variations on the Juicy sweatsuit, the most important choice was terry cloth or velour. The answer, of course, was obvious. For spring/summer you chose terry cloth in cotton candy hues, and in winter you went with velour in wine tones. If it was a casual event, you wore terry shorts (a more elegant choice than soffes). If you were feeling fancy, you chose a skirt. There was even a dress for beach days. Now that those glamorous days are gone, we have to actually think about what we’re putting on our bodies. Luckily, that means a uniform of yoga pants and norts, no Swarovski crystals needed. Juicy might be gone, but it will never be forgotten (I wish it would be, but I know for a fact there are pictures of me in full jumpsuit from my middle school glory days). Viva La Juicy.
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An Ode To Juicy Sweatsuits [#TBT]
