9 Reasons Why Shower Sex Is The Worst Kind Of Sex

Reasons Why Shower Sex Is The Worst Kind Of Sex

Don’t let this photo fool you. This is exactly how movies and romance novels depict shower sex- hot, steamy, and basically the greatest sex of your life. Don’t get me wrong, with the right shower, the right position, and the right man (or woman), it can be great, but that’s usually not the case. More often than not, you slip and fall and you’re not so slippery downstairs.

1. Water doesn’t actually make you wetter, ladies.

Keep that lube at an arms reach.

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2. One person is always absolutely FREEZING or really f*cking hot.

You both can’t be under the water at the same time.

3. Blow jobs become torturous jobs.

Sure it’s all fine and dandy to be on your knees on a carpet or a bed, but bathtubs and tile certainly aren’t the most comfortable of surfaces. And the water is literally always in your face.

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4. You will fall. It’s inevitable. Or at least slip.

Forget trying to change positions. You will bruise your elbow, cut your knee, and ultimately make a fool out of yourself.

5. Soap will end up in places where you do not want soap.

WARNING: It will not be pleasant.

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6. You will look like a raccoon, and your good hair day will be down the drain. Literally.

Remember when you were having such a great hair day and your makeup was on point? Too bad. You’ll have to make some sacrifices for that impromptu shower romp.

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7. No position is going to be comfortable.

Sure there are benches, but unless you’re super rich or insanely old, you probably don’t have one. In which case, your pretty much left with one position- taking it from behind- while desperately trying not to keel over as you press your hands against the slippery wall. Because let’s be honest, your man isn’t muscular enough to hold you for 20 minutes standing up. Nor is it that satisfying.

8. The height difference has never been so prominent.

Speaking of no position being comfortable…

9. The act of showering doesn’t actually happen.

Remember when you said you wanted to shave your legs first before getting wet and wild? Yeah that didn’t happen.

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It’s literally just a waste of water. Save money on your utilities bill and stick to the bed. Or literally anywhere else for that matter.

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    Megan HeintzCOLLEGECANDY Writer
    Editor. Writer. Traveler. Shoe obsessed. While judging people on how they use "their" vs. "they're" on social media, she enjoys eating anything (literally anything) with Sriracha and binge-watching HGTV.