Candy Dish: Heidi Klum Is Not Human

Seriously, this is what she looks like 6 weeks after giving birth?!

Is Ashlee Simpson Fall Out Boy’s Yoko Ono?

Welcome to the fad diets of 2010.

Taylor Swift is too busy for her fans.

11-year-old gives birth…on her wedding day.

Uh. That’s Lady Gaga? Holy crap.

(Not a) Newsflash: Ashlee Simpson Is Not Talented

melrose1To put it bluntly: Melrose Place version 2.0 is a train wreck. And who are we (and the producers) going to point the finger of blame at? Ashlee Simpson, of course. Booed off the stage and now off the set, the girl can’t seem to catch a break. But is anyone really surprised?

We’ve all seen it.  The singer-turned-actor crossover move that has critics telling stars time and time again not to quit their day jobs. But in Ashlee Simpson’s case, I’m not sure what day job she has to fall back on. Now that she has been fired from Melrose Place, I think Ashlee should take a long look at her life’s work before she makes her next career move.

Let’s face facts: the girl can’t sing. We all remember when she blamed acid reflux for her Milli-Vanilli-esque stunt on Saturday Night Live in 2004. I think the entire world breathed a sigh of relief when Ashlee claimed she might never be able to sing again. (Could she ever?) What happened to that? I could have done without the “Bittersweet World” album. Me and the three other people who purchased it demand our money back. (And my dignity having just admitted to buying that…)

So perhaps singing wasn’t her forte. In a bold move, Ashlee decided to try her hand at acting. Melrose Place was a big undertaking, I give her that much. But honestly, while she may have been promising in her small role on 7th Heaven, whatever talent she had then seems to have dissipated in a sea of plastic surgery and hair extensions. Besides, if Heather Locklear says she’s gotta go, then the girl’s gotta go. Read More »

Candy Dish: Jessica Simpson Gets Angry!

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Jessica Simpson’s got beef with the CW.

How does the First Family do Halloween?

What’s the best sandwich in the USA?

Are ponchos coming back?

Is LiLo switching teams again?

This might be the most disturbing thing I’ve seen all day.

Celebretard Showdown: Ashlee Simpson vs. Jamie Lynn Spears

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I am a chronic list-maker, whether I have to make a difficult decision or not.  Lists help me organize my thoughts and remember important facts and details that I need for later.  However, there are some things that I would rather forget and that’s what this week’s showdown concerns.

Those of us who have little sisters know how annoying they can be (haha, love you Chloe!).  Those of us who are humans who participate in society know how annoying famous little sisters can be.  The most annoying of these are probably Ashlee Simpson (okay, the older sister is just as annoying…if not more so) and Jamie Lynn Spears (well…ditto).  But which one is more of a fame whore?  Which one can even be called a valid human being (j/k…sort of)? Read More »

Celebrity Products We Want To See

paris_perfumeIt seems that every celebrity tries their hand at the retail business. Jennifer Lopez, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Beyonce, and more, put out random clothing lines and perfumes every month.

Instead of trusting the business intuition of people who made it big on their ability to look pretty and stand on cue (really – who needs another celebrity perfume??), we decided to make our own list of celebrity products that are more appropriate to the celebrities themselves:

Angelina Jolie Fertility Drugs – When one (or two, or eight) just isn’t enough…

Amy Winhouse Coke Mirrors – Because no one knows lines like Amy.

Britney Spears Electric Razors – Nothing but the best will do to shave your head.

Michael Jackson Boys Underwear – Choosy mothers choose MJ’s (backless) Boys Underwear.

Tom Cruise Couches – Now with sturdier construction and more durable fabric for those days when you just feel like jumping around!

Zac Efron Hair Extensions – The sexy side-swept look will drive the ladies wild!

Kanye West Earplugs – Because people say a lot of stupid sh*t. Read More »

Candy Dish: Sucks to be Lindsay Lohan

Lindsay LohanAnother blow for Lindsay Lohan.

Oh no. Dina Lohan’s on Twitter.

Tornadoes tear through Mississippi.

Do you want Fergie’s undies?

Legalizing marijuana is good for California.

Jamie Lynn Spears says no to marriage.

Problems for Pete and Ashlee?

Where are condoms made?

Goodbye, Blender!

Don’t be afraid of fear.

Watch out Brangelina - Madonna getting another kid?

Candy Dish: What a Naughty Teacher

pinupteacher.jpgNote to self: do not send pornographic pictures to students

Wait, Melrose Place is coming back? And Ashlee Simpson is joining the cast?!

Three words: Ryan Gosling hot.

DJ AM is cursed with airplanes.

OPI releases their new spring colors!

Dating tips for Meghan McCain.

Beyonce is shiny.

Matt Damon. In spandex.

Northwestern Dance Marathon raises over $900,000!

How much sex is enough sex?

Forget Forever 21; Francesca’s Collection rocks.

Leighton Meester is the new face of Reebok.

Get The Look: Disc Pendants

disc.jpg  pippa-small-plain-disc.jpg

[Post courtesy of out friends at StyleBakery.com. For more awesome fashion, style and beauty news, check them out!]

One of the hottest trends right now? Delicate chains with disc pendants. Ashlee Simpson, Nicole Richie and so many more gals have been spotted wearing them. So of course we need to get in on the trend! We’ve found tons of chic, affordable options so we — and, of course, you! — can be right on point. Read More »

5 Celebs We Can Do Without In 2009

Tom Cruise Couch JumpingWe love celebrities. We also love to hate celebrities. And then there are celebrities that we just need to get rid of. I had a rather long list including Flava Flav, Brett Michaels, K-Fed, Clay Aiken, etc. However, I narrowed it down to the five celebrities that I just don’t want to hear any more about this year.

I’m sick of them, so sick that if I see something about them on E! News or in a magazine I have to turn it off or stop reading. And then punch something and question the heavens above as to why they exist.

That’s not okay with me. So join me in my quest to rid the world of these offending celebs:

5. Tom Cruise- We loved you in Top Gun, Rain Man, and Mission Impossible, but the whole Scientology/keep Katie Holmes captive thing is down right annoying. There are not little aliens inside of you. You also happen to be a hypocrite: you criticized Brooke Shields for using antidepressants to take care of depression, an illness, and yet most recently were quoted saying, “They say, ‘Get your physical, get your medication, get your physical illnesses handled.’” Which is it Tom? Get your medication or don’t? You confuse me. And Valkyrie sucked. Go back to Xenu. Read More »

Obscure Celebrity Baby Name Predictions: 2009

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With the birth of Ashlee Simpson’s Bronx Mowgali and now Lisa Bonet’s Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa, the race is on for celebrities to come up with the most nonsensical baby names. There are no rules but previous names suggest it should involve no less than three abstract nouns, two hyphens, and one undesirable location (and a voucher for a lifetime’s worth of therapy).Here are my predictions for the top five upcoming celebrity baby names for 2009:

(Inspirations include: Pilot Inspektor, Kyd, Apple – which almost seems normal now – Sage Moonblood, Blanket, and Audio Science.)

1. Rosebud Rochester

2. Hola-Adios Grace

3. ObAmA 2009

4. Eggplant

5. Busdriver Mulan

What are some others???

(Extra points for mundane occupations, intentional misspellings, and absolute unpronouncability)