Dear (See Below) Bands,

I love your music. Love, love, love. But can you maybe try to be a little less annoying? It makes it so hard to defend you when I tell my friends about my favorite artists. Actually, it makes it hard to admit to anyone that you happen to be one of them.  And I want to make them like you, really, I do. But like that friend who has a minor character flaw that now pisses you off enough that you really can’t see the good in her anymore,  I’m finding it difficult to enjoy your music knowing how annoying you are.

Here are some heart-to-heart tips from your loving (secret) admirer to be a little less annoying and a little more rock and roll.

Fall Out Boy

You always have a spot in my 6-CD player in my car. Sugar, you’ll never go down on the playlist for me if you continue to make some of the sweetest pop punk music out there. But please, Pete Wentz, I’m begging you – cut your hair, lay off the eyeliner and put on a damn shirt when you are on a magazine cover. You need to settle down – you play bass. And, um, you have a kid?

Also, Patrick, can you please enunciate your song lyrics so I can actually sing along and not just randomly open my mouth while humming the tune to look like I know what I’m singing? And what’s up with the weird syntax and bizzare punctuation in the song titles? Thnks Fr Th Confusn. I mean, e.e. Cummings was a legit poet, while you’re just… an antithesis of all semblance of reason. And grammar. My English teacher highly disapproves. Read More »

There’s something about Earth Day that gets to my libido every time. It could just be the spring weather after a long lonely winter, but come Earth Day, I am a woman in heat. The sun is shining, the flowers are in bloom, men are everywhere taking off their shirts to do a little yard work.

I’m not really one discriminate, but there’s something so sexy about a man who takes care of the environment. Just the thought of planting trees together gets me going.  His strong hands covered in dirt, biceps bulging as he lowers the shovel into the ground, his body sweating… Is it hot in here or is it just global warming?

Call me a tree hugger if you want, but I would gladly hug (naked hug?) any of these earth friendly hotties. So reduce, reuse and recycle and then sit back and relax while you admire our Earth Day gift to you. (Click on the image to get see the boys in all their earth-loving splendor.)

Since Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, it should go without saying that this week’s G.W.W.E. is an especially worthy fella. This year, there’s only one man with whom I’d like to share a romp in the sack–and that’s Chris Martin from Coldplay .

You’ve got to understand that this is no ethereal crush. My love for dear ol’ Chris dates waaaay back to the ancient times of the late 1990s, when the music video for Yellow was all over MTV. I was a gangly, frizzy-haired sixth-grader, and he was a poetic, articulate, blue-eyed Brit. Deep in my heart, I knew that the stars were shining for me, as he proclaimed, and there was nothing more I wanted than to soothe his aching heart by lying him down right there on that beach and effing him into submission. Yes, I was a very precocious sixth-grader.

Shortly thereafter, Chris and Coldplay rocketed to superstardom. Over the past nine years, the band has released four studio albums, in conjunction with breathtaking music video release after breathtaking music video release (hello? The Scientist?).  All over the world, people were falling in love with Chris. Men, women, parents, grandparents, teachers–it was Coldplay mania!

I was okay with the world adoring Chris (we had that special “Yellow” connection, after all. Sara + Chris, 2gether 4ever.) – even after that infamous “You know how I know you’re gay?” comment from The 40-Year-Old-Virgin – but I had my heart broken in 2003, when Chris married uber-babe actress Gwyneth Paltrow. I’ve since recovered from my heartache, realizing that just because he’s married doesn’t make Chris any less of a hottie. While he and I may not be riding off into the sunset alone, I’ve begun to realize a couple of reasons why he is the most effable rock star in the world–ones that have nothing to do with how good he looks in a t-shirt. Read More »

Of all the award shows (what are there, 74?), the Grammys is my absolute fave. Unlike the Emmy Awards or the Oscars that get really boring after awhile, the Grammys are chock full of awesome performances from the best artists of the year. It’s like my dream concert made better by the fact that I get to watch the whole thing on my couch… with a tube of cookie dough.

And last night was no disappointment. Well, maybe the whole Chris Brown/Rihanna sitch – lord knows I would have loved to see her performing. Coldplay and Jay-Z? Katy Perry? Al Green and Justin Timberlake? Our homegirl, Jennifer Hudson?

I was dancin’ in my living room. Yes, cookie dough in hand.

And the red carpet wasn’t too shabby, either. It definitely kept me on my toes. I don’t know what it is about this particular award show, but people really like to think outside the box with their fashion choices. I saw way too many origami-inspired dresses, not to mention the weird thing that Paris Hilton decided to sport. And the guys weren’t much better. I mean, I know Coldplay was performing but did they have to wear those costumes all night? You didn’t see Katy Perry rocking the sparkley Chiquita Banana outfit on the Red Carpet…

Below are some of the more….er….interesting fashion statements from the Grammys. I mean, who really thinks a giant bow should be placed directly over your lady parts?

I don’t know, friends; I just don’t know. At least it made for some exciting TV, though. (Click on the picture to get a glance at the whole weird-lookin’ ensemble.) Read More »

So, Super Bowl 43 will be played at Raymond James Stadium in Tampa, Florida, and will feature a battle between the Arizona Cardinals and the Pittsburgh Steelers. Yawn.

It sounds like this year, people will be tuning in moreso for the hysterical commercials and the halftime entertainment, rather than the actual football. So far, it has been announced that Jennifer Hudson will sing the National Anthem (meh), Faith Hill will perform a pregame show (over it), and Bruce Springsteen has snagged the highly coveted spot as the halftime performer. I’ve got nothing against the Boss, but if you’re going to get people to tune in to watch the Cardinals, you’re going to have to offer them some excitement at some point during the game.

Where’s Janet? Bring in some gratuitous nipple shots if you really want to please the public.

That said, I would like to petition the National Football League to consider taking me on as their halftime party planner. Here are some sample line-ups that I would suggest to really keep the party that is 2009 going strong. Read More »

Did Laura Bush kill someone?

And did Coldplay steal their song?

Honeyshed is a new, easy and awesome way to shop.

Amy Poehler took a little break from baby Archie to head back to SNL.

Does fish oil help your skin?

Goodbye Boston Legal!

Choosing a school? Consider the student debt.

Beyonce might be the only woman who can still rock a beehive.

Let’s all learn something from the Depression.

Dealing with the stress of finals.

How professors can save students money.

I don’t know about you, but I hope my wedding is exactly like this…NOT

 Is your lack of sleep starting to show? Try this.

 Say good-bye to Coldplay…so sad!True or False: Thanksgiving myths!

 Kelly Osborne is gettin’ married…according to Facebook, that is.

 How to save money in college…

 …plus some money saving beauty tips!

 The Governator pnly has one ball?! what?!

 Spitzer’s “magic vagina” has her first interview…can’t wait for that!

 Britney has a crush on Becks…and I don’t blame her.

Fashion

God, Charlize Theron is hot. And I love what she’s wearing.

Hottie of the Week

David Beckham. I hate his voice but man do I love him nearly naked.

Babies Babies Babies

Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to a baby girl. Please don’t disappoint me by giving her a non-Hollywood crazy name. I don’t want to hear this talk of you giving her a pretty, normal name like Maddie.

Can everyone stop blaming teen pregnancies on “Juno”? I’m sure that movie didn’t influence a group of Massachusetts teenagers to make a ‘pregnancy pact.’

Karolina Kurkova, probably best known for her Victoria’s Secret spreads, “shocked” everyone who saw her “love handles and cellulite” at fashion week in Sao Paolo, Brazil. Karolina apologizes to everyone for eating and for having a booty. Read More »

The MTV Movie Awards. No other awards show makes me cringe as much as this one. And no, it’s not just the awkward “realness” attempted by everyone from the hosts to the stars (Kim Stolz never seemed this wooden on ANTM…) Typically, the MTV Movie Awards is where fashion goes to explode and then die. Sometimes, celebrities get it right, but mostly, explosion and death.

Here are some of the good, bad, and just plan horrible fashions from last night.

As we see from this photo, Heidi Montag has finally completed her transformation from human to the blond, big boobed, skinny hooker robot she always wanted to be. And Spencer, her giant-faced pimp, standing weirdly over her in an expression of faux-love. Everything seems about right here. Read More »

Let’s thank Hannah Montana for this one

OMG. THIS ELEPHANT. IS PAINTING. A SELF-PORTRAIT.

“The Hills” are alive…with legit life lessons

This just in: Paris Hilton wants to buy the world

Does this lawsuit match my bag?

You know, I’d rather sleep with Rob Lowe in his bed

Sometimes, you just crave some fried penis

Seriously, someone needs to take away their camera

Proof that Coldplay is really boring