Your “Pretty Little Liars” Cheat Sheet: Season 4, Episode 16

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Three episodes deep and there’s already so much to talk about! This show has been built on a mountain of the crazy and unbelievable, so let’s see what the liars are up to this week:

1. Jason’s got a problem: This guy can’t seem to catch a break. First, his sister is murdered. Then, his family falls apart. He comes back to Rosewood and is treated as a pariah, only to find out he shares a dad with Spencer. His whole identity is a lie, so what’s a boy to do? Becoming an alcoholic was the only logical step, and in this episode we find out that he had a relapse. Poor guy, but at least it explains the sudden closeness between Ms. DiLaurentis and Mr. Hastings. Well sort of…

2. Aria’s “picker” is broken: I thought I’d borrow that word from Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger because I’m sure she’d say the same thing about this girl! How can she pick Ezra over Jake?? Early in the episode she promptly breaks up with him due to her and Ezra’s “history”(which only includes lies and betrayal, might I add). Later on, Jake sees Ezra going b@tsh!t crazy at some woman in the parking lot, which Aria can’t deny sounds fishy. She confronts Ezra and he gives her some excuse about it being his baby mama’s lawyer, who is trying to take custody away from him. Ezra’s the worst, and Aria’s the dumbest. #PoorJake (I love the hashtags they include all over the screen.) And then the poor guy finds his punching bag filled with knives, and busts his foot open, which was more than a little disgusting.

3. Hanna tests an old break-up theory: And by that I mean, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.” Hanna’s been mopey over Caleb, which was getting a little old even though it’s only been three episodes. It’s one thing to have a sad friend in real-life but there’s only so many pretty girls you want to watch complain on TV. To get over Caleb, Hanna did the most cliché thing by playing pool with Travis. This lead to making out with him, naturally. No one can really blame the girl though. He’s a rugged gentleman to Caleb’s pretty bad boy routine. In a random moment of mother-daughter bonding, Ms. Marin takes Hanna to throw plates to get her anger out. Do these plate throwing places really exist? Why is there not one near me?!

4. Emily’s noir film moment: Her plotline reminds me of something out of a 1940s  Hollywood film. Beautiful woman with a secret comes to town (this being Shana), and hapless detective (this being Emily), is seduced and drawn into her dark world. Since Emily is the only one actively trying to unravel the mystery that is Ali, Shana comes to her saying that Ali asked her to come back to town to find out whose after her. Emily’s trying to trust her gut and believe Shana after Shana can tell her about a conversation between her and Ali. Emily continues to play true detective, which leads to a meeting with Ali in a dark, abandoned place aka the only places these girls ever meet. Ali tells Emily that she’s the only one she can trust, and seems to be trying to separate her from the other girls. Spencer followed Emily and quickly breaks up their meeting. There will be no breaking up her girl gang. No Beyonces in this group.

5. Spencer’s dad might be the worst: He’s looking shadier and shadier by the moment. In the many lies Spencer seems to be finding him in, the biggest has to be him prodding Toby not to continue trying to get Radley closed. Instead, he’s prompting him to sign some sort of settlement, so he can move on with his life. Because trust isn’t anywhere in Spencer’s vocabulary, she digs through her father’s papers and finds out that Ms. DiLaurentis is on Radley’s Board of Trustees. Uh-oh, the plot thickens. Before she can tell Toby the news, he informs her that he’s already signed the papers and is ready to leave his mother’s death alone. I smell future relationship drama because I know this girl won’t let it go.

Is this the end of Jake? Do we believe Shana? Until next week!

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