Besides the sporadic date or the occasional online dating-provided texting buddy, my love life is extremely LOL-able. Whenever I do get into a situationship, I’m always perplexed as to how to do things. Yeah, texting is all good but do I hit him up first, or does that make me thirsty? Do I use one ‘y’ or three in my “hey(yy)”? Do I pay for a round when we go out, or do I assume that it’s on him? There are so many scenarios and what ifs when it comes to dating. Enter Kevin Carr, blogger and author of “If All Men Are Dogs, Then Women You Hold the Leash.” His book was geared to a more seasoned audience, but many of his readers wished that they read it while they were still in school. His “Date Responsibly” movement – which includes an upcoming college-edition book and upcoming interactive workshops – is designed to help young women get through dating as painlessly as possible. It’s intimidating, this dating thing, but he assured me that it’s not all that bad.
“More than likely, you have some type of desire to be either in a relationship or at the very least, you’re interested in dating socially. Whatever side of the spectrum you find yourself, there are some things that you do want,” he said. “You want loyalty, honesty, commitment and faithfulness. You want to be respected. You want to be loved (even if not in a romantic way). Most of all, you want your effort to be reciprocated. That may seem like a lot, but it’s not and it’s more than fair. If you’re going to realize these things you have to date responsibly.”
Here are his tips on how to do so, and follow him @Kev_Carr for more!
1) Make It All About You
YOU are the most important person in your life. Not him, her or them. It’s you. Because of that, you are also responsible for not only what goes on in your life, but you control who you allow to enter your life. You can’t help who approaches you, but who you give your time and attention to is your choice. Realizing this is the first step to Dating Responsibly. I hope you make great choices.
2) Be Intentional
As intentional as you were in selecting your major and or picking your school, you should be just as intentional when it comes to determining who you attach yourself to. It has to be more than just “he’s cute.” Beyond that, who is he? Where does he want to go? Taking your time to get know him beneath the surface will go a long way in helping you to determine if he’s a good fit for you. If he’s unwilling to let you in that close, then you already know that he isn’t and you can keep it moving without wasting time.
3) Be in the Know
Before you allow someone else to come into your life, you should know exactly where you are and what you want. Spend some time discovering the things that really matter to you. Once you do, date guys that compliment your values.
4) Set Your Criteria
How do you want to be treated? That’s not a rhetorical question. Only you can answer that. You have to determine if you want to be taken on dates or if you’re okay with just chillin’ in the dorm room (Ed. Note: You aren’t. And don’t be. PLEASE don’t be). Those are just a few examples of some standards you may set. Standards are important because they give guys something to live up to.
5) Be Brave Enough To Let GO
When somebody really isn’t right for you, you know. It’s hard to detach yourself from someone you care about. Everything isn’t forever and every guy isn’t going to end up being your husband. That’s perfectly fine. It can be a challenge choosing not to settle and going after what you truly want. But it’s worth it. Be brave and let go if you have to. Sometimes to get what you want, you have to give up what you have.
[Lead image via Black Love Advice]