To the Girls Who've Been Ghosted, This Song's For You

I have a few pet peeves – like slow tourists who congest the city sidewalks and generally anything that children say, do and touch. But the number one thing that grinds my gears has to be ghosting. You’re getting to know a guy and you’re under the impression that things are going well. There were plenty of laughs during the date. He gave you plenty of compliments, and it might’ve even ended with a kiss. There was even texting and calling after said date with the promise of another one. Then poof. Gone. He disappears into the ether to never be seen or heard from again. If he’s a true asshole, he’ll read your penultimate text with his receipt on – a little oomph with that ouch.
Yes, ghosting never feels good. Sure, we can chalk it up to the fact that he was too immature to end it like a man and that he’s losing the best thing that ever happened to him. But let’s be real here…it still sucks. I usually listen to a little Mary J. Blige when I’m feeling the after burn of a slow fade – nineties, door-knocker earrings, topknot ponytail Mary to be specific. But Hannah VanderPoel, a New York City-based comedy writer and blogger for “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon,” is slowly but surely changing my playlist.
“Ghoster’s Paradise” summarizes the tragic cycle of crush rejection in the span of about six minutes. The “most wonderful woman this world has to offer” is unceremoniously ignored after a romantic third date. Though it’s sad and hits uncomfortably close to home, greatness ensues – including a classic Coolio sample and a culminating confrontation that I wish I had the balls to pull off. I double-dog dare you to shoot the link to a douchebag who’s currently ignoring you. Because it’s NOT like he’ll respond ANYWAY.
[Lead image via YouTube]

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