Dear Dude,
First of all I’d like to point out that I already know I’m in very dangerous territory, given this guy is two years younger than me, and I’m mainly writing in to confirm my worst suspicions but I am desperate for one final opinion…
So around four months ago me and this guy started talking. I knew he had his eyes on me as we have the same friends and word gets around. So we start texting, and eventually end up getting with each other at a party (no sex). After this happened things kind of drifted for a bit and we didn’t really speak much (even though we saw each other fairly often because of college) until about a month later he texts me out of the blue and the flirting picks up from where it left off. A couple weeks down the line I end up staying round his house where we did end up banging. A couple days later we are right back to the not really talking just like the first time.
I’m just very confused as to why he is the cutest guy ever when we are together and then afterwards for a few days/weeks makes no effort to talk, but then picks it right back up again. Advice would be greatly appreciated.
(Also I forgot to mention I found out his best friend fancies me the morning after, he claims he had no idea which is utter bullshit.)
Thanks,
Irritated and Unsatisfied.
Dear Irritated and Unsatisfied,
You’ve got a guy who’s a gem when you’re with him and a ghoul when you’re apart. Does the age difference matter? Is there some chance that he’s got a redeeming quality here? Will HANNIBAL get a season 3? These are the questions we’re wrestling with. I think, and I think that you think, that I’m not going to tell you anything you haven’t been thinking already. Think about it…
There’s something fascinating about our age differences. As we get older, they tend to matter less and less. Maturity isn’t something that’s handed out every birthday. It’s one of those traits we gain through experience and emotional growth. From your college years all the way through, IMHO, your twenties, two years can equal a LIFETIME of experience. So just because it’s only two years difference, doesn’t mean there isn’t a big ass gap between what you’re mature enough to handle and what he’s mature enough to give.
There’s every possibility that he’s a sweet kid who is with you when he’s with you but doesn’t know how to give anything more than that. It’s frustrating. It’s like he has the potential to be someone you want something more with but it’s still too raw to actually do anything with. You’ve got to accept his limitations: fine for a FWB, not meant to be a BF.
These guys aren’t built to be boyfriends. They aren’t ready to be a partner. They can only see and think about what’s right in front of them. Like dogs, puppies specifically. In general you’d end up acting more like his mother than better half.
Again, this doesn’t make him a wanker, it just means he isn’t emotionally ready to be anything more. It also doesn’t NOT make him a wanker but I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt. The best thing you can do is not to push it to be anything more than it is: A fling. When he’s in your line of sight or your in his, then have some fun but don’t ask for more than that. He’s proven he’s can’t offer more.
Going by the numbers,
The Dude
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
"Is He Too Young or Just An Ass?" [Ask A Dude]
