“Why Does He Tell Me He Misses His Ex?” [Ask A Dude]

Dear Dude,

I started dating this guy that I have known for years. He had broken up with his crazy ex-girlfriend months before that. He constantly tells me how insane she was, and how she continues to text him even after he has asked her not to. The problem is that recently he was blatantly texting her in front of me! I was shocked to see him calling her the same pet name used for myself, as well that he was saying how much he missed her, even though he loves me. I have no idea to approach this situation. I refuse to go through his phone to see if there’s been other contact. HELP!

Sincerest Regards,

Strung Along

Dear Strung Along,

Okay, let me see if I’ve got all my faculties: You’ve got this boy with a crazy ex who he said he told to stop with her stalking ways. Fast forward and he’s texting her, telling you how much he misses her, and used the same pet name for her that he uses for you. What do you do, besides Nancy Drew his phone and credit card records? You kick his ass.

Okay, okay, maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself. I can understand the idea of still caring for someone you’ve shared a lot of your life with even though you two could never make it work for the long term. There’s a bond that develops. You want to honor it and not just get dismiss it. Sure, I get that. That’s not what you’re dealing with here. No, you’re dealing with a mother*cker that’s blatantly disrespecting you.

Do not pass Go. Do not collect two hundred dollars. Do not invite the Hound and Arya into your homes thinking he’ll protect you from bandits. This guy’s being a douche and you should not stand for it.

Some people are attracted to a certain kind of crazy. Oh, we know we’re going to get hurt but we take the ride regardless. After too many wounds that we’re worried won’t heal, we break free. However, there may still be a part of us that misses the crazy. You know why? Because we who are attracted to crazy are also crazy. Just a different kind. He’s got feelings for his ex that are bubbling up and on New Year’s he rubbed them in your face. Don’t let it pass. Confront his ass.

Go get ‘em, Tiger,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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