Dear Dude,
A couple of months ago, a guy friend and I ended up drunkenly hooking up after a party that he invited me to. I liked him at the time, but I honestly never expected anything to happen. Because he had obviously been flirtatious at the party, I wanted to talk to him about the hookup the next day to see if we were on the same page. He basically ended up saying that he doesn’t know what he wants right now and isn’t looking for anything serious.
I can respect his honesty. However, I’ve noticed that he doesn’t treat me in the same way that he treats our other mutual friends. He’s even put his arm around me and made comments about my body when he’s been drunk. He has hooked up with other girls since hooking up with me, but I think he’s still attracted to me? He’s also been very curious about guys that I’ve casually mentioned that I have seen since our hookup. I just don’t know what his intentions are. Am I reading too much into this?
Thanks,
Sobered
Dear Sobered,
Let me get it straight: You got drunk at a party. You drunkenly hooked up with a friend. You talked about it with him later and he said, “Nah, not interested in anything more.” Now he’s still being flirty and possibly jealous. And you want to know if he’s still into you? Uh, YEAH!
When you hook up with a friend, things can go a couple of different ways. Some people can take it in stride and let it be what it was. Others are suddenly faced with the possibility of something they weren’t prepared to face. It sounds like he might fall into the latter category. It’s completely possible that he’s attracted to you still but he could also have been totally honest. He might not be ready for anything serious and perhaps doesn’t think he could keep it casual with you. It’s a weird situation where he thinks he’s protecting himself and where he’s also possibly hurting the friendship.
Sometimes you open a door and you can’t quite close it again. That seems to be the case here. It might just take a little bit more time. With a bit more distance between “the incident” and how things are now he might be able to let it go. And you also might be able to stop worrying about whether or not he’s letting it go.
If you ask him what his intentions are he’s probably going to stick to his story. So, hold him to his story. You can’t drive yourself crazy over what he won’t say or won’t act on. That’s just a recipe for self-flagellation. All you can do is move on and take him at his word. If he acts out of line then call him out on it. And if it gets that far, and if he can’t move on, then you move on.
Trying to put the genie back in the bottle,
The Dude
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
"Does My Friend Want Something More Or Is He Just A Moron?" [Ask A Dude]
