Dear Dude,
I am an extremely shy person, but I somehow mustered up enough courage to ask an old college crush out to coffee after I ran into him at a concert! He was in a relationship for quite some time in school, and when he was single, I was way too scared to talk to him. Needless to say, I was rather excited, but mostly nervous, leading up to the coffee date.
I thought everything went great, we had a casual conversation. However, I can’t really tell if he’s actually interested or if he’s just being nice. I know I have a tendency to seem indifferent around people I am actually interested in. I want to let it be known that I am interested without being overly aggressive, but I also don’t want to be so timid that I lose this opportunity (again)! Should I make another move?
Sincerely,
Miss Unsure
Dear Miss Unsure,
Congratulations! You’ve overcome your shyness and made the first move. And it paid off! You asked him out to coffee and he didn’t run from the table screaming. You’re off to a promising start. Now you have to figure out how to take it to another level but don’t want to seem overly aggressive. Okay, cool. Have you thought about, oh, I don’t know, asking him to another coffee? Lunch? To partake in an evening of watching images on a moving picture screen? Perhaps to attend a concert you’re excited about as your companion? Because here’s the issue: You can’t tell if he’s super into or not yet, which means you need to spend more time with him. Waiting for him is foolish. Going for what you want is sexy.
You can’t be scared to get an answer to your question. Maybe he likes you but isn’t sure you like him. Maybe he’s not sure how much he likes you. Maybe he doesn’t like you more than just as an acquaintance or college friend. Maybe is hell, baby. All you’ve got to go on is “maybe” until you get to spend more time with him. So, take the bull by the horns.
I’m not saying you’ve got to put a gun to his head. All I’m suggesting is that you take control of the situation. Find a reason to see him again, and you’ve definitely got one: You want to see him again. It’s not quantum mechanics, it’s probably a text.
So far things have been casual so keep it casual when you ask him. Tell him there’s a new restaurant you’ve been wanting to try and see if he’s free to go with you. If there’s another concert you’re looking to attend, see if he’d want to get a ticket and join you. If he wants to see you again you’ll probably get the gist from his response. No response? No. Can’t but wants to reschedule? Encouraging. Yes? Yes. Now, two times hanging out does not a couple make.
Things will progress or not progress at a pace you BOTH feel comfortable with. Sometimes one person wishes it went a little faster and things were as clear for the other person as it is for them. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes the other person has some growing or catching up to do (whatever analogy you like using). Just take it one step at a time. First step went pretty smooth. Now, take another.
Getting proactive,
The Dude
[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]
"We Had One Great Date. Now What?" [Ask A Dude]
