How Many Partners Do I Need to Tell About My STD?

Dear Slut,
I’ve been whoring around town for a while now. Sometimes using condoms, sometimes not, sometimes taking too many shots and going home with strangers. You could say I’ve been rolling the dice sexually; there have definitely been a few regrettable slop shows. Last week I noticed that something was awry in the downstairs department. I won’t go into details, but I’ll say it wasn’t herpes — thank god. I went to a doctor; she looked at me disapprovingly, shoved all sorts of plastic stuff up my snatch, called me 4 days later and told me I have chlamydia. BARF, I know.
Anyways, luckily it is curable and I am on the mend. But I don’t know who gave it to me… I am sleeping with two guys consistently, one without a condom usually, but there have also been some randoms in the mix. I can’t be sure who it’s from; I also don’t know how long I have had this for. It’s like a murder mystery. I know I have to tell the two guys, but should I contact other guys? One night stands? Ex-Boyfriends? How far back do I go with this? Help me slut!
Patient X
Dear Patient X
Firstly, congrats on not having herpes or any of the “incurables”, dodged a bullet on that one. Now to address the web of disease you have potentially spread. Firstly, for selfish reasons you have to tell all of your current sexual partners, but you already know that. Not only because it’s the right thing to do, but also because if you filthy animals ever wanna bang again, you don’t want to get re-infected. Be prepared for some partners to get upset, you may lose some of your troops, especially if you didn’t let them know you were sleeping around, raw dogging other guys. What can you do about it now, nothing.
To answer the question, how far back do you have to go in your sexual history and who do you have to tell. I would say it depends on how much contact you have with ex sexual partners and also if they run in your social circles. If there are one night stands or guys that you rarely speak to, I think it’s fine to leave it be. They should be getting tested regularly anyways, especially if they are sleeping with the likes of you, just kidding (not really). However, if there are guys that you still see fairly frequently in your social life, I would say you should tell them. Only because you care enough about them and their health, and also if they get tested and deduce that you gave it to them, it’s better to have been honest about it in the first place. You don’t want to have the rep of being the disease spreader amongst your group. It’s a curable STD, it’s not the greatest news ever, but it’s not a life ruiner. Maybe don’t send out a group text saying, “you should get tested” though…. that may come off a bit impersonal.
In closing, best of luck to you, you dog. Try to follow the no glove no love policy from now on. Morning after pills and antibiotics are going to start to be costly.
XOXO,
Bang Bang

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