When a guy’s confronted with the reality that he’s going to be someone’s first, there are a few factors he might weigh. Relative age is one. How serious the dating/relationship is and could go is another. The amount, or lack thereof, of sexual experience of said virgin. Plus, let’s not forget the fact that there could be some stupid preconceived ideas of what being someone’s first could mean (clinginess, being a part of their sexual memory forever, being the new “standard” to be compared to, etc). I’m going to go slow, make sure you’re comfortable at each part of this experience, and we’ll see how it goes…
If he’s 22 or up then age could become a factor. If you’re 19 or 20, and he’s 25 then he’s not going to be thrilled at the idea of being your first. Most likely. Of course there are some guys who’ll love the idea of being your first with that much of an age gap but a lot of guys are going to worry about feeling a bit pervy. College-age boys are more likely to be open to it based on conversations I’ve been having, and my experiences both during and after college. Now, the older you are and still a virgin, then a mid-20’s or older guy is going to have different kinds of questions about why you’re putting it on a pedestal. Is it religious? Is it a family nurturing thing? Are you only planning to lose it with someone you’re passionately in love with? These are questions he’ll want to know the answers to. They’ll be super relevant especially depending on how serious things are at the point where you’re ready to have this new experience.
Being someone’s first with a casual hook up is not appealing. Nope. Sorry. Some guys have the ego that they want to plant that flag but a lot of guys worry that there are too many X factors to consider. Guys I’ve been talking to seem to concur that they’d be more comfortable deflowering someone if they were already in a pretty serious relationship. As far as when to tell him, it’s whenever you feel ready to. But please do it before you’re midway through the act!
One appeal to being someone’s first is the lessened risk of STIs, STDs, and most ST anything. However, there’s some concern over the sexual experience of the virgin. I mean, they could have little to no idea how theirs and their partner’s bodies are going to work, or they could have been playing in the minors for a while but just haven’t decided to go pro until now. Are they a total rookie? If so, that can work for or against them depending on the guy, and how serious the relationship is. If it’s serious, most guys won’t care. It’s a chance that you can learn to be perfect sexual partners for each other. But the sex itself may not be super satisfying for both parties involved without some practice…
How we doing so far? Want to keep going? We’re nearly finished.
Then there’s the dumbass delusions that some guys get wrapped up in about what being someone’s first means from an emotional and psychological standpoint. “Am I going to be who she compares every other guy to?” “Will she suddenly jump to a Stage 5 Clinger on me?” “Can she even have an orgasm if it’s her first time or just be in pain?” “Is my dick going to be covered in blood?” These are stupid thoughts. Stupid, immature, and did I mention STUPID thoughts? Unfortunately, some guys are dumbasses and will have these thoughts. They’re going to pretend that there’s a magical responsibility with being someone’s first, like they’ll have to next teach you how to shake, play dead, or worry about taking you out for a walk two to three times a day. They’ll imagine they are going to make THE impression regarding how you feel about sex for the rest of your life…Okay, that one I sorta get. Give someone a negative first experience and it can sour said someone. Give them a great one and they’ll be more open to doing it again. Okay, there’s almost a bit of merit, maybe, to that last one. All the others, goodness gracious sake’s alive, that’s some ignorant BS. Again, some guys will get stuck in their own ignorance, usually stemming from their egos. Avoid them. They are unworthy.
It’s always a case-by-case situation. Generally speaking, guys avoid it if it’s with a casual hookup, or they have delusions about the kind of emotional impact this experience is going to have on you. It’s as big of a deal as you make it. Most guys will go along at whatever pace you need. Just let them know so they can prep for the kind of experience you want to have and can be a supportive partner for you as you go through this together. One thing’s for certain: you’re not going through it alone and you shouldn’t feel that way.
Trying a little tenderness,