Rumor has it that the Kardashian klan is going on strike. Apparently, the 3 K’s are refusing to film their think-piece of a TV show until the person who’s stealing copious amounts of their money and jewelry is behind bars. In the past couple of months, $4K was stolen from Kourtney’s Hamps rental, $50K from her Calbasas manse, and $250K worth of jewelry from Khloe’s casa. There was no sign of forced entry, so the Kardashian ladies (I kind of assume they all share 1 brain, controlled by Mama Kris), are refusing to film until the thief, who they believe is part of the kamera krew, is apprehended.
While I understand their pain (at least I assume I would, if I had $4K casually lying around my apartment), the Dash girls make me think that if they’re going on strike, maybe we should to. I’m suggesting a Kardashian boycott, and we’re not watching until the three K’s and their various hanger-ons admit the truth:
[Photo via Independent]
1. Bruce is becoming a woman because he always felt left out of KUTK. He’s going to change his name to Kruce. He will also start contouring and dressing exclusively in all black. Unfortunately, he’ll still be shorter than Khloe.
[Photo via Hollywood Life]
2. It’s time for Kim to come clean about her derriere. While she’s in this safe space, she can also admit that the rest of her face is not made with Maybelline, because she definitely wasn’t born with it.
[Photo via Flickr]
3. The Hills-era Brody Jenner will always be the hottest Kardashian, honorary or not.
[Photo via Spin]
4. Even Kanye won’t buy Kim’s selfie book. The only selfie book Kanye’s interested in would involve his one true love — Kanye.
[Photo via Getty]
5. Rob needs to stop trying to make socks happen. So not fetch.
[Photo via Khloe Kardashian]
6. Kris needs to admit that all of the baby K’s were crafted in her image, because her womb is a secret cloning factory. Science.
[Photo via Zimbio]
7. We need to come to terms with the fact that Penelope will always be better dressed than us. Her shoe collection alone is worth more than the entirety of my closet.
[Photo via Starcasm]
8. Kim and Paris need to reunite for their own epic reality showdown (preferably celebrity boxing), stat. Blue Ivy and North West also need their own reality show, once they’re old enough, of course (I’m thinking 5). It can be called North West Blue Ivy, which could double as LA’s trendiest new nightclub.
[Image via E]
9. Most importantly: I’m not watching again until Kourtney and Scott adopt me.
[Lead image via Ethan Miller / Staff / Getty Images]