You’re Not a Real Tulane Student Unless You Know These 25 Things

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When you decide on Tulane, you’re basically signing up for four years of heaven on earth (if heaven has no open container laws and an abundance of Mardi Gras beads). Everyone you meet assumes you spend your life at Bourbon Street bars, when the reality is that you often don’t venture past the Boot on a Friday (if you’ve recovered from Thursday, that is). At Camp Tulane, the football team might not always be winning, but the bars are always open.

From nights at Pat O’s where you scrawl song requests on napkins (full disclosure, you don’t need to request “Wagon Wheel,” since it always plays at least 10 times a night), to days spent soaking up the sun at the Fly (drive-thru daq in hand, for the Instagram of your dreams), four years at Tulane changes you. Once you graduate, you realize that New Orleans is unlike any other city on earth, in the best possible ways. There’s a festival every weekend, NOLA has the best food in the universe (excluding Bruff-aches, obviously), and real talk: it’s pretty nice to go to college somewhere where the drinking age is basically 12. You don’t just spend time on campus for four years and leave — you become a New Orleanian– and soon after you’re done drinking mimosas in the Superdome at graduation, you’ll know all too well what it means to miss New Orleans.

Every Tulane student knows…

1. Crawfest is the most magical time of year. Other than Halloweekend… and French Quarter Fest… and Po-Boy Fest… and Mardi Gras.

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[Photo via Instagram]

2. There’s no need to scramble for beads, because by senior year you’ll have enough to throw your own Mardi Gras parade — feather boas, coconuts, and Muses shoes included.

3. It’s important to have an entire suitcase stuffed with costumes for festival season and fraternity parties. You never know when that sequin bodysuit will come in handy.

4. You’ve had to explain to your parents’ friends that no, you don’t spend every single weekend on Bourbon Street (unless you’re really craving a Hand Grenade).

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[Photo via Instagram]

5. The only football game you’ve ever been to is Homecoming, and that’s just to see who won King and Queen.

6. You remember the magic that was Granny Cart Lady (R.I.P), even though years have passed. Same goes for hazement horror stories from Sammy, Pike, and Deke.

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[Photo via Instagram]

7. You’ve been to Snake & Jake’s (don’t worry, it still counts if you don’t remember).

8. Thursday nights were made for devouring cheese fries on the F&M’s pool table with a hundred of your closest friends.

9. Fraternity house fires are a yearly occurrence. Same goes for Fumps fires.

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[Photo via Instagram]

10. You’ve spent so much time with Howie T. that you should just make it Facebook Official.

11. Living in Sharp means you’re surrounded by human waste, but it also means you’re guaranteed the best freshman year ever (Sorry, Monroe, you’ll never be us).

12. The Palms is the best place to listen to EDM with the entirety of AEPhi.

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[Photo via Instagram]

13. Scotty C is the best president ever. Who else would dye their hair green and be that happy, always? Sorry, Fitts-y.

14. Nothing about Paterson promotes wellness… it does, however, encourage not wearing shoes in Bruff and a whole lot of frisbee. It’s basically a breeding ground for GDIs.

15. At one point you tried to befriend a cat on the quad. It didn’t work.

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[Photo via Business Insider]

16. By the time you’re 21, you’re too old to be going to the Palms. Luckily, Boot dance parties are forever… until the inevitable transition from Happy Hour to Boot o’clock, when you’re suddenly surrounded by grinding and MOing that’s oddly reminiscent of a middle school dance gone wrong.

17. There will always be an awful band playing on the LBC quad when you’re heinously hungover (i.e., every Friday afternoon during prime nap hours).

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[Photo via Twitter]

18. Other schools have boring garage bands featuring kids from your Chem class… NOLA has Trombone Shorty, the Soul Rebels, Sweet Crude, and Galactic.

19. Fifty Cent Night is only appropriate if you’re a freshman, or first or last day of the semester. Otherwise, you should be preparing yourself mentally and physically for Big Cup Night at The Bulldog, like a grown-up.

20. Living on Broadway means you’re never too far from a night out, but it also means you’re going to have to give up sleeping. It was overrated, anyway.

21. Crown Russe is the ultimate pre-game necessity.

22. You might not taste the Diesel in the vat, but you’ll definitely feel it.

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[Photo via Tulane]

23. Mardi Gras is a marathon, not a sprint. It helps if you have a flask, a shopping cart, and a Perlis. It’s also the only time it’s acceptable to hop into stranger’s pick-up trucks (other than if you don’t feel like cabbing to Fumps, obviously).

24. It’s somehow possible for Luff to have the best food of all time, while Bruff manages to dole out what could easily double as prison food, Orange is the New Black style.

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[Photo via Instagram]

25. Only at Tulane, only in New Orleans isn’t just a catchphrase — it’s a lifestyle.

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COLLEGECANDY Writer
COLLEGECANDY Writer
Margaret writes about pop culture, middle school music, and fashion faux pas for CC. Connect me: twitter instagram