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“Should I Make The Move On My Super Shy Guy?” [Ask A Dude]


Hey Dude,

I’ve been hanging out with this guy for about a few months. We have a lot in common, yet not so much in common. He always buys me things like my fave chocolate or my fave food to eat. He seems completely into me. Yet he seems bored. He is super shy and has a big personal space bubble but every once in awhile he will “accidentally” touch my hand or hold my hand (if I act like I’m not paying attention). Should I wait for him to make a move or should I take the lead and show him what I want?



Dear Not-so-shy,

You’ve got a super-shy guy who sends off nothing but good signals and you want to know whether you should wait on him or make the next move yourself. Well, if you have to ask the question…

Shy guys can be tough to bring out of their shells. They’re usually really good at building their, as you put it, personal space bubbles and have a tough time allowing people in. Even people they want to allow in. They’re fighting fear constantly. And they’re usually dealing with a bit of shame over letting that fear have so much of an impact on their lives. That fear’s a Caesar-esque monkey on their back that they don’t know how to, or don’t believe they can, escape from. What they lack is confidence in themselves and a belief that they’re worthy of that kind of confidence.

It can be as simple as you taking his hand. You don’t have to toss him into bed and see if something pops up. Sometimes a sudden shock to the system will work and others it will send a shy guy into a total shutdown. Which ain’t what you’re looking to do. I think that it really will depend on how shy you think he is.

I’m a big fan of making a move rather than waiting for someone else to. Why wait? You usually just drag things out to a point where you get resentful of the other person, maybe even a bit at yourself, and all the while you’re letting another person take point of your life. Seems ass-backwards to me but that’s just IMHO. I think the best thing you can do is start with a couple of small moves and then see how he reacts to them.

Take his hand on occasion. Snuggle up when you’re watching a movie. Return the favor and buy him a little gift since he’s done it for you before. These are super encouraging but not super confrontational. If he seems to be responding more then the moves can get a little more, well, aggressive.

Have fun!

“Diamonds are forever and so’s The Dude”

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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