Binge Drinking Bros Have Lower Sperm Count

You know how all those drunk frat guys who can barely stand up at parties are so repulsive you won’t MO with them, even on the dance floor? You’re really saving yourself from a lifetime without children. Sure, you might not exactly want a passel of cute nuggets immediately, but there’s always someday. Unfortunately, a new study shows that men who binge drink have reduced sperm quality.

When you think of all the binge drinking alcoholic bros you know, they’re probably doing themselves (and society) a favor, saving the next generation from falling over boys, near vomiting, thinking their pizza breath is somehow an attractive odor worthy of an epic DFMO. Luckily, since most boys in college are eternally wasted, you’re less likely to receive an unwanted bun in the oven (which is perfect, because you hate baking, anyway).

Researchers found that the more alcohol you consume, the lower your¬†proportion of regular sized and shaped sperm will be. Even if your boy toy isn’t a huge drinker, his “modest habitual alcohol consumption” could be a problem in the future (not that you’re thinking of babies right now, hopefully). The more regularly he drinks, the worse of a problem it could be.

Before fraternities start hazing, they should start thinking about potential for legacies. Men who usually drank around 40 drinks per week had a 33% decrease in sperm count. 40 sounds like a whole lot to me, but I also don’t have the drinking ability of an enormous man, surprisingly. Before you take the beer out of your boyfriend’s hand, know that binge drinking is the problem, not casual cocktailing. Sure, we all knew that binge drinking isn’t exactly good for you, but this study shows that it prevents baby making, so be warned (but don’t let dudes use it as an excuse to not rock a condom, because that’s just silly).

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