“How Can I Play Against a Player?” [Ask A Dude]

Dear Dude!

This guy was talking to me at the beginning of the year, and I rejected him, because I was talking to someone else! So over the year I ditched my guy and now I’m into this guy again! I have found out he has become a bit of a player, but I didn’t really care cause I thought I wouldn’t get feelings for him at all! So we go to a party, and he has sex with this chick…But then the next day (when he is sober) he swoops in and we hook up (not sex)! Soon as we leave the room he is a little different, and he hasn’t spoken to me since, it was 3 days ago! I don’t want feelings for him because I know he is a player, but I really want him! What do I do?

From

Confused Unwanted Feelings!

Dear Confused Unwanted Feelings!

Tricksy feelings! We don’t wants them, we don’t needs them! They stole it from us, they stole the precious, the precious hooking up without caring. Wicked, ticksy, false! Stupid feelings. Why couldn’t you just have hooked up with this “bit of a player” without actually getting played, and had meaningless sex with him? Um, well, because you’re a person, and he’s a person, and it seems all you really want out of this is to win. But you’re LOSING! Right?

I’m not saying you brought this all on yourself but you worked as hard as you could. You knew he was a bit of a player. You knew that there was a risk you’d get played. Now it looks like you’re getting played. What made you think you’d be the exception to the rule? Playa’s gonna play, always.

As far as those feelings go? Look, you can’t lock up certain feelings all the time. You knew there was a risk that they’d pop up and screw you over. Oh boy, here they come and they’re doing exactly what you knew they could. You’re being kept from attaining something you’ve become fixated on. You want to hook up with him (INCLUDING SEX) but he’s playing you, making it impossible to get what you want. This is a game. You’re losing, he’s winning, and you want me to help you figure out a way to get the upper hand. THAT’S EASY!

The way you win this game is stop giving a sh*t about him. Swear off him. Move on to someone else. You’re the one hurting you. Nobody else is. Stop playing this game and you’ll win. Period. Done. Drop the mic and walk away. Otherwise you’re just going keep digging yourself deeper into this hole with no benefits to show for it. If someone’s playing you then walk away. If you play by his rules in a rigged game, you’re only going to get busted up.

Look around. See who else is an option. Or take yourself off the market until somebody else comes along that gets as excited about you as you are about them. I know, sounds ridiculous, right? It’s not.

You took the risks and you’re reaping the sh*t storm. It happens. Don’t fight against it from underneath.

Cheering you on,

The Dude

[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of trying to come up with a not-totally-crazy-girl way to bring it up to your guy friends and get their take on things? Totally over over-analyzing the cryptic messages he leave on your Facebook Wall? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring. it. on.]

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