In college, having it all is a struggle and a half. It means going out from Thursday until Saturday, without looking like a hot mess. It’s showing up to class on Friday, even though you can barely see straight, and still acing everything. It might be hard to actually have your life together, but it’s perfectly simple to convince everyone around you that you’re not constantly chugging along on the hot mess express. To keep it contained in college, there are 10 commandments you always need to follow.
1. Never go commando, because you never know when a raised surface to dance on will appear.
2. Only drunk cry in the privacy of your own home, because your roommates will be far more comforting than that guy selling you a greasy dollar slice of pizza.
3. No matter how many Vodka Cran’s you downed, you should never start macking on a friend’s boy toy, even if they’re not even close to being Facebook official.
4. Parents say nothing good happens after 2AM, because that’s when everything great happens– the later you stay out, the sloppier you can be, because everyone else is too drunk to notice.
5. As long as there’s one other person at the bar drunker than you, they’re the disaster.
6. Dress subtly slutty. Pick your favorite feature to highlight, and go for it. Otherwise, looking back, you’ll regret going out nightly nearly naked.
7. Keep your head, heels, and standards high… even when you can’t really walk in the heels you’re wearing.
8. Kiss boys, not porcelain bowls.
9. Find your own personal balance between buzz kill and black out.
10. Get drunk enough to ignore the pain of particularly painful wedges, but not so wasted that you’ll be spraining an ankle and leaving your heels behind like Cinderella.