Whether you’re 12 or 20, getting over a heartbreak never gets easier. Sure, you learn from your mistakes, and you move on, and you and your friends tell yourself all of the cheesy advice you read on the internet, like a modern-day Chicken Soup for the Single Girls Soul. You drink copious amounts of vodka, and attempt to drown your sorrows in pints of Ben & Jerry’s. You turn to your friends, even if you weren’t the best friend to them throughout your relationship. You listen to the entire discography of Taylor Swift (although her personal break-up with Spotify is making that a difficult feat), and then you move on to Miranda Lambert when you’re good and angry. You replay every single moment in your mind, wondering what you could have done better. What you could have said for it to all turn out differently. It’s like a movie that’s on repeat, and you keep expecting the plot to change.
You had dreams, and Pinterest boards, and monogrammed for this person, this person that you thought was “your person.” Now, he’s nothing at all. In fact, all he’s become is an embarrassing Spotify playlist, because you swore you’d never be found lying on your bedroom floor a la Taylor Swift.
Step 1: Feel all the feels.
Let yourself be the saddest girl in the world. If you don’t do it now, the sadness will sneak up on you when you least expect it. I’m not telling you to become a hermit and never leave your house again, but if you don’t feel like pretending to be cheerful, you don’t have to. If you force yourself to go out too soon (whether with friends or on Tinder dates, because everyone knows the best way to get over someone is to get under new), you’ll just be a serious buzz kill. Once you’re ready to rebound, put on your tightest dress and feel free to go rogue.
Step 2: Make sure your Spotify is private.
Create the break up soundtrack of your dreams. The easiest way to move on is with anger, not sadness. Once you’ve memorized every single word to “Trouble,” it’s time for some serious throwbacks. Whether you’re feeling the emo anger of Brand New, the desperation of Dashboard Confessional (I hope you’re sensing a theme, here), or the murder in her eyes intensity of Miranda Lambert.
Step 3: Find the rebound of your dreams.
Go out. Seriously. You’ll never meet anyone new from the comfort of your own couch, although it is tempting to wish for a Chuck Bass dopple to appear in the midst of a particularly intense Gossip Girl sob fest. Your rebound should be someone you would never date in real life, because feelings are vastly overrated post-break up. Whether he’s shorter than your ex, hotter, or dumb as a doorknob, it doesn’t matter. This is not going to be a long term, FBO relationship. This person exists solely for make outs, and to tell you how pretty you are.
Step 4: Pinterest is your boyfriend now.
Pinterest might upset you at first, if you had a top secret wedding board where you planned your marriage that may or may not be happening now that you’re #foreveralone. Luckily, you can replace all of the cheese fest engagement pictures (engagement pictures are never not cheesy), with the most motivational, ridiculous Pinspiration you can find. Sure, your friends might unfollow you, but that’s no reason to give up on your Pinterest dreams.
Step 5: Do you.
One of the worst mistakes a girl can make is throwing herself into a new relationship. Whether you’re the kind of girl who always *needs* a boyfriend, or you legitimately thought this d-bag was the one, take some time. The last thing you want is to lose yourself in someone new (as tempting as that may seem). Spend time with your besties who have been there for you since the beginning, focus on yourself (did you pretend to love sports because he did?), and realize that if it didn’t work out, it’s because you’re moving on to bigger and better things. Studies have shown that couples who break up rarely succeed when they get back together, so stop believing that he’s the one that got away. Whether it’s a month from now, or a year, you’ll realize that you’ve stopped thinking about him the way you used to. It will always hurt, but it’s like a band-aid. You have to rip it off painfully for it to ever heal.
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