If Zack Morris Was Really Your Boyfriend

When I was in middle school I watched “Saved by the Bell” everyday before school. I dreamt about what it would be like to have Zack Morris as a boyfriend. He was cool, with his giant cellphone, bleached coiffed hair, his 80’s wardrobe and not to mention his killer bod. Zack had it all.
Looking back, I realize he probably would’ve been a pretty bad boyfriend and here’s why.
saved by the bell zack morris time out

1. Constantly Freezing Time

Uttering his phrase “time out” would frequently “stop time” as he stared and spoke into the camera about how he was feeling or what mischief he had up his sleeve. As his girlfriend today, I would find this behavior creepy. We all know he didn’t really harbor magical powers. Zack was just a normal, albeit extremely charismatic and popular, high school guy.
zack saved by the bell outfits

2. His Wardrobe

I CAN’T! I would want to wear literally the same outfit and as a couple, that’s kind of a big no no.
zack morris saved by the bell duck becky

3. He Was Too Sensitive

Remember when that duck he had for like a day named, Becky, died? He cried…a lot! Yeah, I’m sorry but come on! It was a duck. I’m all for nice, sensitive guys, but when it comes to my man and duck love, I JUST CAN’T!
zack cabana boy saved by the bell

4. He Was A Player

He had so many girlfriends. From Kelly to Tori to Stacey Carosi and all the girls in between, Zack dated pretty much every girl at Bayside. Would I really want to be his sloppy seconds? The answer is no.
zack morris boyfriend

5. Would He Realistically Have Time for a Relationship?

Zack was involved in so many extracurricular activities. Glee club, cross country, basketball, he worked on the school radio and the yearbook. You name it, he did it and he did it well. Plus he had his group of friends he had to hang out with at all times. I doubt we would’ve gotten any alone time together.
screech saved by the bell

6. He Comes With Screech

Being forced to hang out with Screech would be a major turnoff. Just the sound of his voice would be enough to kill my sexual desires.
zack kelly saved by the bell kissing cute

7. He’s Still Not Over His Ex

But I think the main reasons Zack would make a terrible boyfriend is his undying love for Kelly. I’m not the jealous type, but it is clear that he will always have feelings for her. I could get rid of Screech and force Zack to give up some of his extracurriculars, but I could never forgive myself for getting in the way of true love.
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