No matter which way you spell it, it makes sense that you’d want to have the best Chanukah ever. It can be hard being away for your parents from the holidays. While your Christmas-celebrating buddies get to make their annual pilgrimage yearly, it’s more than likely that you end up on campus for at least a couple of days of the festival of lights. Unfortunately, spinning the dreidel on your own just isn’t as exciting. Luckily, there are ways to make the most of your lonely Chanukah, even if you can’t enjoy your mom’s latkes (and yours just never come out the same way).
1. Craft the hideous Chanukah sweater of your wildest fantasies.
Why do the goyim get to have all of the fun with their ugly Christmas sweater parties? There’s still time to knit the hideous Chanukah outfit you’ve always dreamed of. Just try not to get any ketchup, sour cream, or applesauce on your ensemble.
2. Get wifed up by the nice Jewish boy your mom has been bugging you about.
Don’t feel like investing in a JDate subscription this year, and over your JSwipe possibilities? There’s alway the option of purchasing a nice Jewish boys calendar, and convincing your parents you’ve fallen for one of them (a doctor, obviously). Make up an elaborate enough story, and your mother will never have to (threaten to) set you up again. There might not be time for an engagement, but you can make it Facebook official before the oil burns out on your menorah.
3. Spend time with Seth Cohen.
Sure, he’s only half a Jew, but around the holidays we’ll take what we can get. Plus, he’s far superior to other options, like Adam Levine or Adam Sandler.
4. Invest in a menorah tree.
Were you always beyond jealous of your Christian cohorts while growing up? Now you can join them and decorate a bunch of nature inside your apartment (much like Sukkot). Unfortunately, now that the menorah tree exists you probably can’t fit it into your tiny apartment. Ignore that, and I sense an ornament exchange party in your future…
5. Listen to NJBs make Taylor Swift seem Jewish.
You’ll be dancing around the dreidel in no time to these sick beats.
6. Nothing says “sexy,” like a menorah on your panties.
Judaism decorating your holiest bits just screams romance. It’s science (and it’s the perfect way to guarantee that you go home with a nice Jewish boy this holiday season).
6. Threaten your friends and family with this mensch on a bench.
No longer is “Elf on a Shelf” the only way to torment your loved ones. This super creepy mensch is the best way to keep your friends in check. Bet your brother won’t eat all the gelt with this little guy looking over his shoulder.
8. Play the dreidel drinking game.
Dreidel is the ultimate throwback to your childhood days, so why not spice it up with some Manischewitz?