Contouring — so hot right now. All the celebrities are doing it, from Nicki Minaj to Kim K. It’s all over your Pinterest board. Your friends all seem to have special knowledge on how to transform their faces into works of art in under three minutes. If, like me, you’re cosmetically challenged and have worn the exact same makeup since you were in middle school, contouring seems like quite a feat. In fact, the one time I made an attempt, instead of shrinking my nose, I looked like a character from Hocus Pocus.
So, let’s learn together like friends. Here’s how anyone can contour.
Turn to Pinterest. After all, without its guidance, where would you be? Still wearing regular makeup like a normal, and that’s not cool for anybody.
Realize that every Pinterest picture requires you to spend approximately five hours painting your face, and you’ve never been an artist. Give up, and apply sparkly bronzer everywhere. Instead, start snacking, because all that Pinterest made you hungry.
Purchase concealer that’s as white as snow, along with bronzer that would look better on Queen Bey. Look up pictures of Queen Bey. Then Solange. Listen to her music accordingly.
Paint your face like a tiger.
Look the most beautiful.
You did it! Now you can impress everyone in sight over winter break, because they won’t even recognize you. That’s how good you are at contouring.