College means you’re fully away from your parents for the first time, which gives you ample time to experiment. Unfortunately, said experimentation often ends with you lying in a pile on your dirty dorm room floor, clutching your stomach while the room violently spins. If you’re nursing the worst hangover ever, there unfortunately is no cure yet (come on, science). While you reflect on where exactly the evening went wrong, feel free to turn to pizza, Bagel Bites, and vow to never drink again (until next weekend).
1. Tequila Hangover Hell
Tequila is your favorite freshman year. You feel like a badass and a half, and it comes with accessories! Sprinkle the shots with salt and limes it’s like you’re making an impromptu margarita, only it ends with you dancing on a table and leaving your shoes at the bar like a hot mess Cinderella. The next morning, you’re left without a phone, wallet, or your dignity. On the bright side, you remember almost nothing, which makes it seem like it never happened at all.
2. The Mixed Drinks Fiasco
You pregame with your roomies, which involves shots on shots on shots of flavored Smirnoff and homemade SoCo Lime. That’s followed by a trip to the nearest frat house, where you guzzle punch that’s 90 proof like your life depends on it. Whether you call it hunch punch or jungle juice, there’s a guarantee that you will not feel 100% in the morning. You have a vague recollection of shouting the Shots song at anyone who would listen, and you’re pretty sure you drunk texted the entirety of your phonebook. At the time, you don’t taste anything because it’s all so fruity. Unfortunately, you’ll get to taste it all again the next day.
3. The Worst Whiskey Experience
The boy you’re kind of seeing/talking to/looked at once in class loves whiskey, and in an effort to impress him you head for the hard stuff, when the reality is that you’d far prefer something fruity and fabulous. He’s taking shots like a champ, and in an effort to keep up you end up with a headache that may or may not be a migraine. See also: Fireball shots.
4. Bloated Post-Beer Binge
You’re “not a beer girl,” but at the party last night that’s literally all they had (as a freshman, you’re too naive to know where to look for the secret stash). You’re not nauseous, at least, but you feel like you gained roughly 100 pounds, especially because an entire pizza pie followed the beer binge. It was probably Natty Light, so at least calories aren’t a problem!