The 10 Commandments of Freshman Year

The intoxicated choices you make freshman year don’t hold up in the light of day, much less as a senior. What you thought was too cool freshman year is exactly what you mock people for doing once you’re a grown up sophomore. Whether it’s making out with boys that you don’t yet know you’ll have to see literally everywhere, poor decisions made possible by a few too many SoCo lime shots, or time spent getting up close and personal with the porcelain bowl in your communal bathroom, freshman year is full of bad decisions and the best nights ever.

Here are the 10 things every freshman must experience (whether or not they remember it is another story entirely).

1. Don’t spend any money on alcohol.

Soon, you won’t be able to stomach the cheapest liquor in the universe, and you’ll be far too old to attend fraternity parties. Take advantage of the liquor flowing.

2. Disregard the fact that you’ve hooked up with 50% of the guys in the dining hall.

Maybe you DFMOed last night with someone you thought was stranger danger, only to learn that he lives on your floor and has hooked up with half your pledge class. Just pretend your friend is telling a really amazing joke, or text (but make sure your phone’s on silent so it doesn’t ring), and it will be like it never happened (which makes it far easier for you to pretend it never did).

3. Befriend the seniors before it’s too late.

Soon enough, they’ll be struggling in the post grad world. For now, they’re the most knowledgable people on campus. They know where to go, what to do, and what not to. Absorb their antics.

4. Struggle through hangovers from hell.

You think you know what a hangover is, but you have no idea. Once you’re a full-fledged adult, hangovers will be debilitating and last for days. Enjoy the fact that you can recover, and spend time lying out or exploring the city, not holed up in your tiny dorm room.

5. Be the most friendly.

By sophomore year, no one cares about your hometown or childhood bestie. Right now’s the time to get to know every single person on campus and gather your friends for the coming years. Channel Taylor Swift and build a best friend girl gang.

6. Don’t complain about the dining hall (too bitterly).

Yes, the food is disgusting, and yes, you’re pretty sure everything there has at least 2 million calories on a good day, but free food is free food. In the real world, your parents don’t pay for you to eat, and $10 will barely buy you a sad office salad. It certainly won’t let you eat everything in sight with no limits, anywhere except a disgusting dining hall.

7. Appreciate your roommate.

One day, hopefully next year, your bed won’t be mere inches from another human being. Enjoy the fact that you’ll never be lonely, simply because you can’t be because of proximity.

8. Go to every class, always.

You might think that a hangover is a good excuse to stay in your dorm room because you can get the notes from somebody, but there are plenty of people who don’t return after summer break. Don’t be one of them because you were too busy enjoying the ice luge.

9. Realize that just because a guy is older he’s not wiser.

If you meet a senior or super senior, you might think that they know what they’re talking about. Take everything they say with a grain of salt — and not because they just ordered you a margarita.

10. Don’t be afraid to use your fake ID.

Even if your fake ID looks more like McLovin than you, it will still probably work with enough confidence, charisma, and cleavage.

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