Your Pretty Little Liars Cheat Sheet: Old Hotties Show Up

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The mystery of Magic Mike working with Ali has only deepened! I’m all for this plot since it led to some oldies but hotties showing up. But where were our boys, Caleb and Toby??? No one seemed to miss them much. Well, I DO. Just needed to put that out there. Our boys need support.

Emily

What is it with these girls?? They seem to only be attracted to people with major, nu-uh, don’t go there kind of pasts. Turns out that creepy new girlfriend Talia is married. To a dude dun dun dunnnn. Of course, her husband is one of those understanding “I’d rather be married to a lesbian than be alone so let’s keep us both trapped in a marriage” kind of dudes, so Emily’s like “no prob we can still get it on.” But you know what? I admire Emily. She loves like she’s never been hurt. She must get her life advice from fortune cookies.

Spencer

Cadet Toby doesn’t seem to be on her mind at all anymore. She’s continuing to flirt with weirdo art loner lodger boy, so I was forced to learn his name. It’s Jonny with no “h,” which of course it is. He’s running around town pretending to be Banksy or something and lied about a job he had. She was mad for about half a minute but she finds him charming, or full of life, or some other way you’d describe a guy who’s trying to be  James Dean.

that spark

Vandalism brings people together

But he’s making her do art and believe in herself. She must take her life advice from same fortune cookies as Emily.

Hanna

Poor Hanna is the only one smart enough to get in anywhere good (without having to make people feel sorry for her…Aria looking at you) but of course she can’t afford it. And her mother’s broke, jobless, and single, the trifecta of suckdom, so there’s nothing she can do to help. But as always, student loans are the grimmest of grim, so she’s willing to grovel to her dad to pony up. Doesn’t go down like that but Hanna is a genius and a beauty, so she’s willing to enter a beauty pageant. You do you girl, you do you. Ms. America is just a scholarship pageant.

donuts“Last we talked about college I was 12 and obsessed with donuts!”

Aria

She can’t even cheat on a test well. Smhhhhh all the time for this girl. It did lead her to get getting Andrew, Spencer’s male equivalent with the good arms, to tutor her.

chemistry

 

Don’t know what they were actually studying but see that CHEMISTRY

He’s clearly trying to hit it but she’s not feeling it because MMM is continuing to be a sketchball. She ends up following lil bro after he tries to steal some blood, and takes $400 out of a bank account with $18,000 in it! It would be simpler for her if MMM was on drugs.

Mike

He’s caught up in Ali’s lies and making deals with Cyrus Petrillo, Ali’s favorite fake kidnapper, about some blood vials. But you know what, who cares? We were blessed with this goodness.

MMM

And then he looked #flawless right here:

flawless

And then his eyebrows were even on fleek when he was lurking in windows:

eyebrows

Bless him.

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