How To Scare A Guy Away Via Text In 10 Easy Steps

We know you agree with us when we say texting is the worst part of dating. The textpectation after initiating a conversation, awkward autocorrections, and those dreaded “Read” receipts. What kind of devil invented those?!
Texting feels especially vital during the first few weeks of dating a guy. Unless you’re lucky enough to share a class with him three times a week or get stuck on the same shift at work, this is your main source of communication. Don’t worry though – just because you don’t see each other face-to-face often doesn’t mean you won’t screw this up somehow. Just follow these steps to ensure you’ll never score a second date, and possibly have this guy double locking his door at night.

1. Use lots of emoji

guy huge mistake
Guys are super impressed by your ability to perfectly match an emoji to any and every sentence. In fact, your vast knowledge and world record timing in locating a pineapple, wave, and flower is a huge turn on. Don’t just save those puppy faces and taco icons for your gal pals.

2. Respond immediately to every text

honey boo boo texting
No one like textpectation (that terrible feeling you get when you’re waiting for a message response). Even five minutes is too long to wait. If you wait more than six minutes, he’ll probably assume you died and move on to his next Tinder match.

3. Send super short responses

texting joel mchale
Nothing says, “I’m interested” like a “yeah ha” response. Why even use complete words? A simple “K” or even “K.” should suffice to answer his questions. You don’t want his eyes to get tired reading lengthy responses. He’ll appreciate your concern for his vision.

4. Never initiate the conversation

guy waiting
Guys definitely won’t feel like they’re bugging you if they are constantly texting you first. They love the chase. Even if you see something hilarious on that TV show you both love, resist the urge to text. He’ll HATE it.

5. Use AIM slang

hangover scared
OMG, WTF? Ur not doing dis already? 4get it. BFs luv trying to figure out abbreviations bc it’s like a fun game and shows ur the HBIC. LOL, rookie.

6. Triple text

johnny depp scared
If he doesn’t response immediately, he probably didn’t hear his phone. He just needs another reminder or two. Feel free to follow up a question with “?” then “???” He’ll appreciate how excited you are for his response!

7. Drunk text

drunk text kesha
Thinking of him while you’re drunk? So adorbs. He’ll want to wife you up immediately. Drunk words equal sober thoughts, so speak your mind, girl. Especially if you barely know him.

8. Use pet names

So what if you’ve never called each other “babe” IRL? He’ll be so flattered when you send him a message with a pet name that he’ll probably start using them in real life. In fact, don’t ever call him by the name his parents gave him. He’ll assume you think of him as a friend if you do that.

9. Talk about touchy subjects

You’ll get to know each other really well if you bring up your religious beliefs and political views within the first few days of knowing each other. Don’t worry, this is totally appropriate. It’s 2015. He’ll admire your progressive attitude.

10. Seek his approval

scared guy
After a couple days of texting, you should probably throw the question “So do you love me?” out there or at least tell him to call you pretty. Ask what color suit he’ll be wearing for the wedding while you’re at it.

On second thought, maybe try these texts instead…

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