We’ve all been there before: You had a wild night out and gave some dude your number and he almost immediately started texting you naughty things or you aimlessly stared at your ceiling in the wee morning hours and suddenly heard “ping!” It was that guy whose Instagram photo you just double tapped. Or even worse, you texted your crush and six hours later, you still haven’t heard back. Now all of a sudden, all those guys came out of the woodworks because they want their wood-worked…on.
Either way, we’ve all been victim to those midnight texts from guys that can only mean one thing: BOOTY CALL! For the amateurs, those texts look like this:
1. Sorry I missed your text earlier.
Don’t be a sucker for this one. At any given point, your phone is in arms-reach. So when you text him at 7pm and he doesn’t get back to you ‘til after midnight, he knows exactly what he’s doing, besides mind-f*cking you. It’s code for “I purposely missed your text so I had an excuse to text you now and hopefully get you in my bed.”
2. Come over for a movie.
Yeah. Hold on. You want to invite me over for a movie? Okay. Let me know what my options are and don’t tell me “we’ll see when you get here.” And if you’re inviting me over for a movie, you better have extra-buttery popcorn and cookie dough bites waiting there for me too, or I won’t stay. Now do you still want to watch a movie?
3. You were the most beautiful girl at the bar tonight.
Just like you were the lamest person at the bar tonight. If you have the audacity to try and get into my pants THROUGH TEXT after spending the night in the same place, then why didn’t you have the cajones to tell me I was the most beautiful girl at the bar tonight while we were 10 feet away from each other? Thought so. Where are you trying to go here with this text?! #Busted
4. Are you up? I can’t fall asleep.
This sounds so innocent, but is it really? Use your best judgment. Where do you think this is going to lead? To an hour-long phone call or through the front door of his house?
5. Single yet?
Sooo what are you doing? Stalking my Facebook rants about my boyfriend? I don’t get it. And if that’s what you’re doing, I’m pretty sure you’d know if I’m single or not according to my “relationship status.” K? Bye!
6. Send me a pic.
Haaaa! You have to love the guys who get straight to it. If it’s someone you’ve never hooked up with, don’t send it unless you want it ending up in a group text that your best friend’s boyfriend is on, too. Embarassinggg. If it’s someone you’re somewhat involved with, go ahead and send a classic shot.
7. I just woke up from a dream that I had about you :O
Riiiiight. Well, I mean that could be possible, but why are you texting me in the middle of the night to tell me that? We don’t have it like that. Sorry guy, I’m onto you.
8. I don’t feel like going home yet. Want to meet up?
Meeting up in the middle of the night can only mean two things: Diner or booty call. Choose wisely.
[Image via Shutter Stock]